Monday, December 11, 2023

A Difficult Woman



I had this dream last night. My dreams are always fulsome, in glorious or inglorious technicolor, sometimes musical, other times with old ghosts of beings beloved and lost to the finale that comes to us all.

Last night I was being threatened with death by Putin. Yes. And Zelensky tried to save me and he asked me clearly, in his accented English, "if I can't save you, what can I put on your tombstone?" And without thinking, I answered, "A difficult woman."

And this gave me reams of thoughts when I woke up, obviously narrowly escaping the death Putin had wished on me.



Have I been a difficult woman?

Being raised in a challenging religious misogynistic cult in Ireland in the forties and fifties was the foundation for obedient and fearful compliance with the restrictive rules for women, their dress, their behaviours their virginity, their limited futures. But most of all their second class standing within the patriarchy. 

A life of don'ts. I could list them but you get the picture.

I questioned all the tenets held dear by those around me.

I then broke all the rules. I joined the Irish communist party. I went on the stage. I played folk songs in pubs. I dated many, many men and would not commit. I learned five languages (unheard of for a girl) and took advanced mathematics in a school that encouraged women's intelligence and critical thinking. 

I rebelled. Both in tiny ways and in large ways. To the point of exile, which I have written about. 

And exile was the greatest gift I gave myself. For I was finally free of the restraints of an Ireland steeped in women hatred, rigidly following the dicta of the Great Roman Misogynist.

I took "male" type positions, controlling and managing corporations, fighting for my rights, my salary, my position in board rooms.





I attribute much of this chutzpah to my mother and my maternal grandmother, who rebelled in many tiny ways against the narrow confines of their unappreciated and dismissed enslaved-labour-intensive lives.

Thus I rebelled in major ways.

And I am ever, and always, a radical feminist.

Women still have a long, long way to go. 

The USA still hasn't ratified the Equal Rights Amendment.

The Handmaid's Tale is becoming all too real everywhere in right wing ideology.

Etc.

I fight for the rights of impoverished elder women now. You'll hear me blasting away on the radio and TV. I make those pols squirm in their Bentleys.

I'm a Difficult Woman.

And I'm out and I'm proud.


31 comments:

  1. Good for you, its a challenging world for women. One of my greatest pleasures' was seeing my 4 year old grand daughter, stand up to her over bearing father, not cheekily but with a great argument for her rights!

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    1. Oh Chris how wonderful, she has the makings of a difficult woman. My grandgirl's answer when her grandfather told her all she needed was a good man to take care of her and she responded "Grandpa, I am well able to take care of myself!"
      And she does and has a dream life in Paris in a dream job.
      XO
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  2. A difficult woman is a label to wear with pride. Lots of it.

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  3. I could write a long list of women who have impressed me in life, some well educated and financially secure but many not. My similar list of men would be much shorter.

    This Australia tv series will soon begin its final season. I highly recommend it to you if it is available. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Control_(TV_series)

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    1. Oddly for me, Andrew, two of my besties (now deceased and so very dear to me) were men. But mainly it has been women. I have noted the Oz series, thank you!
      XO
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  4. I'm so glad you have been "difficult" because people like me and my daughters benefit.
    I don't think I have been near difficult enough.

    As I write I remember that in my whole life in the church, I have never been given a leadership position, not an official one. Maybe I'm more difficult than I think

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    1. Isn't it something Kylie that we have to fight for every senior position, even though we are skilled and able. I had to fight for mine and then tried to raise other women up along side me. Get more difficult!
      XO
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  5. What a beautiful world we'd live in if women ruled! I still think Hilary would have served us well! I'm terrified for 2024. We need to get louder!

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    1. Definitely Hillary she did get the popular vote. And you're not alone in your terror for 2024. None of the world is breathing easy about it. And we're in such a terrible state. Everywhere!
      XO
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  6. You must have had a good laugh when you woke up and found your drama with Putin and Zelensky was only a dream. And your tombstone request so unique. I read the bible cover to cover when I was a young woman and decided it was fiction inspired by men as a means to control others, particularly other tribes and all women. (shudder) Then I read The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer and became a rebellious and 'difficult woman' myself.

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    1. I had many clicks along the way OTP. Ms Magazine was one (now just a ghost of its former self). Yes, all religion is man-made, and for two purposes only, cash and compliant women to breed future stock.
      The Goddess needs to return. A Difficult Goddess.
      XO
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  7. We have been difficult women and must continue to be so.

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    1. Yes, Joanne, you have done your fair share of it too. I hate hanging up my own placards and marching boots but I do a lot in the background.
      XO
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  8. I am glad you were and are a difficult woman and helping others along the way too. I haven't been a "loud and proud" difficult woman, but I have done things my own way however quietly, (ignoring most of my mother's advice) and encouraged my children to do the same. Sons as well as daughters. I will be encouraging the twin grand daughters too, when they are old enough to make decisions.

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    1. Good for you River. Grandmothers hold an enormous influence over their grandgirls. After all, they were born of our eggs which I didn't know until I was well into grandmotherhood myself. I am so happy to be so close to mine and we are enormously alike in our outlooks.
      XO
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    1. I'll take a bow, CM, it hadn't it me until I had that dream.
      XO
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  10. Good for you being a difficult woman. We could do with a lot more difficult women challenging the male status quo. As you say, women still have a long way to go, and those who think women have now "got what they wanted" must be utterly blind to the reality.

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    1. Agreed Nick, we have taken many, many steps backwards over the years. I had great hopes for some professional female family members and I was shocked when in their thirties they got married and unquestioningly took their husbands' names. A small thing I know to many but when you have an established career? And of course the church and archaic vows too.
      XO
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  11. Thanks, e, squeaky wheels, etc.
    XO
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  12. Here's to squeaky wheels wherever they may be. And praise be to those who push forward in today's wild and crazy world. I had forgotten about "grandmother's eggs," thanks for reminding me.

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  13. Seems like many younger women have lost that drive and I don’t understand why. It’s sad and disturbing. Mary

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    1. Yes, terribly upsetting to see the shrinking violets and I'd love to do a deep dive on it instead of being offered the platitudes like "he wouldn't like it" or "the wedding would be called off". this is how the status quo of women as lessers remains.
      XO
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  14. Yes, such a special connection to our granddaughters.
    XO
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  15. May I replace “difficult” with “enlightened”? If only women in greater number had rebelled in the way you did, perhaps society would have changed sooner. It is mystifying that we seem to be eternally capable of moving four steps back for every five steps forward, but thank goodness we are making some progress. One of the greatest joys of my life is to live with a strong-willed, independent, intelligent woman. Who would have it any other way?

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    1. David -One of my brothers worked with the Aga Khan for a long time. And one of AK's goals (inspired by his own daughters) was to educate women to gain independence and rise out of poverty. He founded many universities in disadvantaged countries to accomplish this. But the majority of wealthy men are not that enlightened. There are good stories out there. But I will hang on to "difficult" as it has far more power to make our "rulers" uncomfortable. And women's rights are always on the table everywhere, the overturning of Roe V Wade being one example and here in Canada Poliviere has it on his agenda if he gets in.
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  16. Still no phone. Perhaps tomorrow sixish according to USPS

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    1. Being without a phone is really serious for those of us with challenges. I do hope it arrived, e.
      XO
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  17. I just found your blog....what I've read so far .....right on.pkease stay difficult.

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  18. I think I was lucky that we came to Canada when I was 5. I had a strong mother and maternal grandmother but I also had a father (with 2 daughters) who believed we could be anything! As the eldest, I was "somewhat" spoiled...My younger sister had to work much harder than me, for which I now feel sad. But she did go on and accomplished more than I did, a PhD in vaccine research, volunteered in Africa in CUSO but sadly died at 58.

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