Some words come back to haunt you. I remember hearing my mother say this to us kids as we mooched around the house, getting under her feet, asking when dinner was ready, whether we were going to get ice cream tonight; there was nothing to do. And on and on.
I religiously passed these words onto my kids. The fresh air mantra. Was it lovely? Did it change your mood? Did you feel better afterwards?
Those questions remain unanswered. Still are.
Now I find I am at the receiving end of such advice from Daughter Number One.
And oh my dear god, it's so irritating.
She drills right down into it too, to make it all worse.
"It will do you a world of good, mum, staying indoors is not good, get outside. Go somewhere."
The following day, or days, she goes at it like this:
"Did you get out? How was it?" or conversely "Why not?"
I am back to being the defensive seven-year-old again, defending my knitting, my writing, my happy indoor life.
It's difficult to defend an aging position on life. I talked to another kindred spirit in the building. She's like me, content with her own company, her books and her knitting and old movies. She also bakes and I get to share in her largesse. Our daughters are the ones who turn our hard-earned little enjoyments into a major defect in our characters.
A few Sunday Selections, random photos from the past:
My mother, who lived to be 89, in her 70s resisted our urges for her to get out more and become more social. When she did, mostly to family gatherings, it really did give her a lift but otherwise she was quite non compliant with our urgings. Now as I approach 70, I am beginning to understand her mindset. Especially at night, I am reluctant to go out and later than for dinner, and being home by nine. But even during the day, I am not going out as much, although I do daily go somewhere out, just not venturing as far. I like my home and I like being home, and I like what I do at home. So naturally I completely understand what you mean.
ReplyDeleteGreat photos, especially the first.
I feel the same at 52. I enjoy my own company.
DeleteI think one has to be old to understand the gift of just being home. I was always out in my younger days. Nights, weekends, you name it. Season tickets to operas, plays and symphonies, go, go, go. Now I love the peace of not having to interact, do what I want to do. I feel I've earned it.
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Your Sunday Selections post was a hoot. Since I have a nineteen-year-old, I find myself becoming like my mother. On the other hand, I can see myself becoming or acting like I am mothering my mom. The roles are reversed. 🥰
ReplyDeleteYes, Heidi. And welcome. We get mothered in our turn. My mother died young so I never had the chance to mother her and my father was independent to the end of his long life. With fathers, I believe we remain youngsters. Not to be listened to.
DeleteI recognise our girls care for us and as they've never been old (yet!) they will come to understand in time.
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Ha, the fresh air mantra has come full circle! Your knitting and writing sound like a perfectly lovely life to me, and judging by that golden hour on the beach, you've had more than your share of fresh air already.
ReplyDeleteFull circle indeed, Diana. And now I'm irritated again just like when my mother uttered those words way back.
DeleteYes I've had a lot of fresh air in my time, I trained for marathons, daily, for years, LOL.
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The fresh air mantra coming full circle is the perfect justice of it all. You defended your mooching against your mother, drilled it into your children, and now Daughter Number One is drilling it right back into you. The cosmos does have a sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I am firmly on your side of this one. Knitting, writing, a happy indoor life, these are not symptoms of something wrong. They are the well earned pleasures of knowing your own mind. "I think one has to be old to understand the gift of just being home" - that line deserves to be stitched on a sampler.
I work with seniors who live independently, and I have noticed the happiest ones are exactly like you describe: busy on their own terms. Thank you for the laugh this morning.
Thank you Alex, you put it all down so succinctly. We can be happy indoors OR outdoors. Whatever floats our boats, so to speak. It is lovely out today but does it draw me outside? Absolutely not. I can enjoy the view from my window while I work on other indoor stuff.
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Thank you, Wisewebwoman, I am glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteAh, yes, agree with everything said here, comments and all. I have two daughters (wonderful tho they are) at me about their ideas of the good life (for me!). Give me my nice home, books, and peace and quiet.
ReplyDeleteYou can't put a price tag on peace and quiet. Outdoors can be so very noisy. I spent a lot of my life on enormous highways commuting and in underground subways ditto. Noisy beyond belief. Now I have absolute peace in my lovely apartment surrounded by silly, precious things.
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Yes, winter is on its way, and when it gets here, there will be little impetus to venture outside. Go NOW while the weather is glorious. We spent Saturday about 90 minutes north, still in the San Joaquin Valley, at a regional marching band competition, as you read about. It was grand to be outside, walking, talking to people, and hearing the bands play. Oh, but it was warm and the sun was fierce. I got quite a tan on my pale skin. I also slept so well for the next two nights. It's good to go outside.
ReplyDeleteWe agree to differ, Delaine. I find it an effort to put on "nice face" and interact with people other than my friends. Long distances in cars no longer attract me; I spent so many years doing that. Millions of miles on my cars over the years. Give me the peace of the indoors now. Well earned.
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From what you have written, it seems to me that you have "earned" the right to do what you want and if that means staying indoors doing what you enjoy, so be it. You are keeping your mind active and that's a good thing. I also enjoy my time alone.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Beatrice. Well earned. I grew up in a very noisy household and would lock myself in the bathroom just to read. Now I read leisurely, no one pounding on doors, or kids needing attention and then granddaughter who needed the same. So hallelujah. The (finally) power of NO.
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Much as I love my indoor surroundings and don't like being pushed out of them unless I choose, I also believe (know, actually) that even standing outside on the step for a few minutes changes my everything. Glimpse of cloud, wind in trees, chickadee-deeing, any one of these things lifts me somehow. Lots of times I don't feel like going outside, but once I do it's different from what I expected, and better. I've never had the opposite experience anyway. Have you? -Kate
ReplyDeleteMy friends tell me I need to get out of my comfort zone when I don't want to go out and socialize or travel like they do. I don't buy the comfort zone theory and as for socializing and travelling, I'm old enough to know what I'm missing -- nothing -- because I've already been there and done that plenty. Always out and about, just as you were. -Kate
DeleteI find comfort zone an interesting term because it's usually about their comfort zones and for each and every one of us it's different. I know 90 year olds who race around all the time, can't sit. That's their comfort zone. Others shop like drunks. That's theirs. Others travel all the time. Some cruise. Whatever floats your boat. Mine is definitely my home, my books, my music, my knitting, my writing. I had those other lives. I am invigorated being at home. In my comfort zone. I overlook the lake below, the ocean to the west of me, magnificent sunsets, a star spangled sky at night. And yes, I go to the ocean and sit there for hours some days. Life is very good indeed.
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It's a bit ironic that you accompany a post on the good sides on indoor peace and quiet with some of the most peaceful outdoors photos I've seen for a long time.
ReplyDeleteWhen are you old enough to decide what you like to do? My younger self would agree on indoor quiet, but now my more mature self loves the outdoors as well.
Oh I see now from your comments that it's not outdoors / indoors as much as company or not. Company in moderate doses, where I can pull out is fine. But each to their own!
Exactly Charlotte, we are all so very different and unique in what gives us comfort and pleasure. Some days I can't be arsed to go outside and just want to read or knit or play some good music. But some make a mantra of forcing themselves out every day to shop at $1 stores or in one case sit in a coffee shop until a stranger talks to her. We are all so complex in what pleases us.
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The Golden Hour photo is beautiful. I like the idea of getting out far more than actually getting out, since outside so often seems to want to kill me, with hayfever blossoms, bitey ants, far too much traffic as the rst of the world gets out-and-about so I can hardly get across a road. Inside is far safer and has everything I need, fresh air through doors and one window, unless the jasmine is blooming, or the murraya and bottlebrush, then I cose everything closeable. I have food, water, internet, TV and books. And my phone.
ReplyDeleteJust recently my daughter told me to get out and enjoy the sun! And I want to but I want to enjoy it over coffee and a chat but I don't necessarily have the company at the right time.
ReplyDeleteAs a child I was routinely told to go outside. I don't know what Mum thought I was going to do out there, I was a book kid.