I love this, it appeals to my sense of the ridiculous and desirable.
And speaking of ridiculous, I mentioned before how my siblings and I Zoom every Sunday - or Monday, depending on schedules. We have a 7th anniversary coming up. All of us have a highly developed sense of the ridiculous, often ending in helpless laughter. A rare gift. Yesterday was one of those days.
The thing is, we are often asked what on earth we talk about for 3 hours. And we talked about that yesterday. There is no answer, as we are equally baffled as to how to translate our ridiculous conversations for a wider audience. Particularly the humour of our vivid imaginations.
Yesterday, for instance, for a while, it was the death of Jim Bakker, that horrific evangelistic preacher in the US who scammed and crimed his way through millions of dollars from his susceptible worshippers.
We invented our own scammy religion (we're all atheists) and one of my brothers went off camera for a while and came back dressed as a priest. It took off from there. I know, we're all absolutely barking mad.
But I have found that over these seven years, we are more open and honest with each other after troubling childhoods. It's as if we're now having the freedom to recapture those years and be just as idiotic and creative and funny as we would have been back then if we were allowed.
We recognise our closeness for the gift it is. And yes, it took some doing as there was a complete lack of trust between us for many years. "Rats in the attic" was how one brother described it. It began with tiny cracks in our self-protective shells and took off from there.
As we slowly took down these barriers, we stopped self-censoring. This became truly helpful when three of us were having health challenges; it was comforting to get daily messages of support and love when we had to undergo tests and in one case, serious operations.
All of us, way back when.
I recognize how rare this is; I see fractured families of origin everywhere, even in my own small one with an estranged daughter living in the UK. It takes some work given an opportunity and in my case, being the eldest, I found that opening myself up to anticipated judgement proved to be the exact opposite. And lit the lamp for everyone else.
It all begins with honesty and empathy.
That heartfelt short tale is uplifting. Aside from the rare sarcastic barb, I am very pleased my direct family has never fallen out.
ReplyDeleteThat is good news from you too Andrew. I think we are the minority unfortunately. I have heard so much of disputes lately. Especially with parents dying and ensuing estate issues. I am so very grateful us, now 5, have this 3 hour chat every week.
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I often wonder how different my relationship with siblings might have been if we had all grown up together. Both of them left with mum when she went and had a far different life in a household with five other children and during that time mum had another son, so it was a big boisterous crowd compared to me on my own with books, beach and school. We get on better now, but still distant with emotions, chatter and living far apart.
ReplyDeleteThat is so very sad, River, splitting up the siblings. It's very hard, I would imagine, to make up for those lost years. It hasn't always been rainbows for my sibs and me. We had a lot of trauma to work through but we have done it and we are so happy that we landed in this good place. Some years were rough in the past now. 7 years of healing has been a gift.
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Siblings that still connects are the best. I have a sister, and even if we never broke up or something, we do not see much of one another. We "grew apart" I think and a common childhood are fine for a talk and a visit now and then, but it does not stand the test of closer relationship. This might change, but I don't know how or if it will.
ReplyDeleteI think it starts with small things Charlotte. My only sister and I are 14 years apart. She was only 9 when I left home. But I have found in later life we both enjoy the same kinds of books, so regularly I send her books in the mail that I have enjoyed. It has been a wonderful ongoing connection.
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The brother coming back dressed as a priest made me laugh, I’d have loved to see that. Seven years of weekly calls says a lot, and I can imagine the daily messages during the tests and operations meant even more. Good that you all took those walls down.
ReplyDeleteI am so very grateful we were all equally committed to doing that, Diana. It definitely takes cooperation. It certainly isn't perfect by any means, some political talk gets a bit hairy, but we are tolerant of each others' views.
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I have a brother and sister. We aren't close but we are currently able to work together and support each other in caring for mum. (I find it unbelievable that one old lady who is in full time care can still be in need of active involvement from 3 family members.)
ReplyDeleteI suspect we will drfift apart when mum is gone, not through division but through lack of effort.
I have a couple of friends who I meet up with a few times a year. We make stupid jokes and say ridiculous things and laugh until we are snorting and crying. It is the most fun and fabulous therapy. I'm glad you have that.
It's wonderful you can work together Kylie to share the workload of your aging mother. I think efforts need to be made to keep the family glue going. Zoom has been a huge bonus in the world, I find. It forges connections. Us siblings live in 4 different time zones and I believe if we were all living in the same neighbourhood this lovely connection would not have happened.
DeleteLovely you have friends you can snort with. The best kind!
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I think your weekly zoom meetings sounds wonderful something I'd love with my grown up children but they are all so busy!
ReplyDeleteIt takes that effort Chris and the young ones are so busy - as we were in our time - to clear that special time, even an hour. Which is a shame as it would benefit the wellbeing of all. Priorities. 😦
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3 siblings & one estranged herself from our family of origin >20yrs ago. The last time we reached out to her, she turned her back on us. That was the day I quit worrying about her. I do wonder if there's an underlying mental illness. We can greet each other civilly should we happen to be at the same event, but it never goes beyond that. A friend used to comment - What? You shared a womb & you're supposed to be best friends? Even with a "common" upbringing, there are so many personalities & multiple relationships to be negotiated. Family has so many connotations. Like the sign in my other sister's home says - as far as anyone knows, we're a normal family.
ReplyDeleteInteresting sign in your sister's house begs the question, what is "normal" - no one can really answer unless they throw out The Waltons, which made every family fall short for years. 😊 My estranged child cut us all off a few decades ago, and attempts to reconcile remain a failure. There are definitely some mental issues there. It's still painful, though.
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I so miss phone conversations with my sister. We could easily talk three hours, only cutting off when one of us had to use the bathroom! We never had long goodbyes, though. One would say, "I gotta go," and the other would say, "Okay, good bye." "Good bye," and the line goes dead.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, Delaine, that must be very hard on you. My bestie (friends since we were 6) was like that to me. Daily emails (she lived in Dublin), never missed, sometimes many throughout the day. Pre-WhatsApp, etc. Got together every year and picked up where we left off. I miss her so much 10 years after her passing.
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It's good that you have been able to establish this connection after so many years, and to establish a closeness not felt when you were younger. Families sometimes have a strange way of coming together.
ReplyDeleteStay well and have a great weekend - David
Yes, I feel very fortunate David as do my siblings.
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You are both brave and fortunate.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about the brave part, e, but certainly fortunate.
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I love this. I tried with my siblings, but what happened was 2 or 3 dominating the time, with some, like me, having little opportunity to speak. I gave up. Maybe I should have stayed with it, as you have.
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