I'm not a last-minute person anymore. I used to be. Call me, and I'd have been ready in 5 minutes, ready to go out and see a movie, hike a distance, munch on goodies and heave back the drinkies in a bar or restaurant and go on to a nightclub and rock the night away until dawn.
I stare back in astonishment at the creature I was. Packing life in at a furious pace. Up for anything, anytime. Getting by on so little sleep as to be laughable.
I rarely took the time to reflect; there was so little time anyway, with a household to run, a big job to manage, staff to handle, reports to produce. Leisure time was the release valve from all of that. Colleagues became super important (where are they now?)
"Raising Children at Home in Your Spare Time" was an instructional manual us working mothers read, laughed, and followed. Hard to believe now in the era of "helicopter parenting."
Of course, when we're up to ninety with our lives, every minute packed, we're not dealing with the underlying reasons for all of that. The lack of any kind of reflection which brought us to that place.
Speaking for myself, it was trying to survive an emigration from my native country, an unhappy marriage and frightening responsibilities for a woman (basically a girl) who still hadn't cracked thirty years of age. I had walked out of my strictly controlled father's house into an unheard-of freedom in another country. My own boss. Finally.
But of course I wasn't anywhere near a boss at all. My life was not my own. In those days, the real boss could call you anytime of the night and day, women worked as if they had no other responsibilities (children's sickness, etc). Grounds for dismissal were letting elements of another life creep into your work life. Women's rights were always on the edge as male managers were never impacted by the trivia of domestic life.
Part 1 of I don't know how many parts. I am writing an article on feminism at the moment so this is helping me, sorting out my thoughts before hitting the keys.
"women working as if they had no other responsibilities" "grounds for dismissal" all sounds rather scary and quite bullying. I remember my own working years as a teenager, older women working the same hours, from xxAM to xxPM and overtime only if the boss asked and refusal was allowed. If you were sick, you stayed home and called in, longer than two days and a medical certificate was required, but none of that was grounds for dismissal. Ditto sick kids or leaving a bit early to get them from school if other arrangements fell through. When I returned to work after the youngest was in school, it was the same, set working hours, time off allowed and so on. Plus paid holidays.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand bosses who demand every minute of your time and energy and can fire people at will.
I am writing of the seventies and eighties, when men could freely pinch a female co-worker's bottom as they went by her. And reporting them could lose you your job for being "too serious" for "not being able to take a joke", etc. It took a lot of female protest to change all of that. And we still have a long, long way to go.
DeleteXO
WWW
Ask men about feminism and they may have some negative views, or worse. Ask them individual questions pertaining to a woman's life and her rights, and I think you will find the answers much more positive. Of course there are those with entrenched views and there was hope for their ideas to die with them, but now all this manosphere...it's a worry.
ReplyDeleteThe manosphere as you rightly say Andrew is instrumental in getting many women's rights pushed to the side. The whole Cornell episode reveals a very dark side indeed to young men and their willingness to rape an unconscious woman. It has sickened so many of us and made us realize that any gains we have made as women are laughable.
DeleteXO
WWW
I also stare back in astonishment at the mother and worker I was. The alarm went off at 7 am, checked the boys' school uniforms, shoes and breakfast, got myself to work and returned home at 5 pm, supervised the boys' sport and homework, made dinner and sat down in front of tv.
ReplyDeleteSpouse washed the dishes, the laundry and vacuuming. And we shared the dog responsibilities.
Not now :( I retired during covid and only shop, cook and clean the bedroom and bathroom.
It is amazing Hels, all we did, and we never blinked, just did it. I am finding the article I am writing truly revealing even in the little ways I fought the patriarchy at work. Sometimes with humour, oftentimes getting the women on side with me. Reading about the accomplishments of other women and the little inroads they made.
DeleteWe are fully human and deserve equal rights everywhere. And PS we actually manufacture entire wee humans inside our bodies!
XO
WWW
Interesting thoughts here. I was a happy stay-at-home wife, never a thought about feminism. I guess i was well into my 40s before I began to realize how much m y life had been constricted by male rules and rule.
ReplyDeleteSue, I believe working in the field of men, we get our "click" moments a little earlier. And then comes the avalanche. I was raised in a strictly designated gendered household. Strict Catholic, which enforces the patriarchy (no female priests, yet? Noted.) It took me a while to disentangle from all of that.
DeleteXO
WWW
Thank goodness times have changed - at least, somewhat. We still have a ways to go but shared existence is no longer as great a burden on a woman as it once was. At least that's the way I see it. Miriam and I have a pretty egalitarian relationship. We share chores and responsibilities, have a joint social life but also have our own friends. It works well for us and I suppose that's all that matters.
ReplyDelete