I have to watch myself.
A dear friend maintains that as we get older our character defects become more emphasised and more entrenched.
Evidence corroborates.
If you're messy and cluttered the habits get worse as the energy dissipates with which to deal with them. The debris piles up in the face of decreased desire and perhaps a lifelong ennui. Whatever the cause.
I have to watch my inner judgemental self .
Particularly around drunks.
I was at a dinner party Saturday night. I should have left earlier than I did. Before it descended into loud arguments and hot debates and facets of friends that turn antagonistic/weepy/belligerent/ridiculous. Take your pick.
None of them will remember any of it in the morn. But I will. Alone in my rigid sobriety. Apart from one other. Who also engages in these mindless debates. He hosts and can't go to bed and leave his living room to an iffy scenario of mess and slop.
I sometimes have difficult with timing. Part of me doesn't want to desert the sinking ship of drunken debate and leave him alone on his island of sobriety.
And for a while, before the ocean of booze tips everyone into incoherence, the chat and food are enthralling and interesting.
And then.
Timing is everything. I can't seem to assess the best time to leave.
I think: I can't believe these people, all in their sixties, still behave like frat boys/girls when it comes to booze.
And I feel my mouth prune up and inner tut-tuts bang around in my head.
But I do manage to escape before the spliffs get passed around.
Not that anyone notices.
