Thursday, December 17, 2009

How About all Those Sexual Assault Warnings?

We get them on email, we get them on newspapers, on texts, we even get victim blaming ("she shouldn't have been out alone at night") ad nauseum. Over at I Blame the Patriarchy this is the best warning list I've ever seen:

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to assault her.

4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t assault her. You know what? Don’t even ogle her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or assault her.

7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.

8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you when in public.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to assault a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.

10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by either ignore the rape whistle, or gather round to enjoy the spectacle, s/he can pistol-whip you.

Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be assaulting her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

About bloody time, I say. I've been Taking Back the Night for far too long.


  1. That is so good. Hits the nail right on the head, namely when are the guys going to get some advice rather than the women who're their innocent victims?

    I love the idea of using the Buddy system!

    Reclaim the Night was very big in Britain in the sixties and seventies but faded away through lack of impact. But there've been some more Reclaim the Night marches recently.

  2. oh lord i love this. i love no. 2. i love them all.

  3. Good post. Sadly rape is treated lightly compared to 50 years ago.Then it was a long gaol sentence and maybe 20 lashes 10 just after you arrived and 10 just before you left.

  4. Basically... don't be an animal and assault a woman under ANY circumstances.... !

  5. Bravo!!! An excellent list. I have spent years working on this issue and I am sick of men hurting women in this way. IT WILL STOP!!!


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