Merry Mas

 

As a person who celebrates the solstices, yeah, call me pagan, whatever, I find the constant harassment of Christmas worshippers around me, well, stressful.

"Put Christ back in Christmas!!" bleat many, nearly in tears as they stagger from Mallwart with two laden trolleys of Chinese tat, clanking their way awkwardly across the parking lot. 

"Well, who took him out?" I want to shout back, "Happy Mas!"

And then I see a confidential note from Jesus (see picture above) posted and reposted across the vast etherworld of Facebook as an antidote to the - heaven forbid!  - admonition-wish-heresy of "Happy Holidays!"

I am forced to picture Jesus, on his not-birthday (born sometime in the spring, not winter as noted by eminent scholars) sobbing, broken-hearted, over the absence of Merry Christmas being said out loud by the English speaking section of this tiny planet. Mostly Mallwart people I'd surmise. 

I've never seen so many Jesus fans freak out so much at the innocuous sound of "Happy Holidays!" It gets savage, far, far removed from any Merry or Happy.

Do they not realize that Solstice was appropriated by the early Christians?

The Archbishop of Constantinople wrote that church fathers fixed the Nativity during the pagan holidays because "while the heathen were busied with their profane rites, the Christians might perform their holy ones without disturbance."

I'll let you dwell, but not for too long, on all those holy rites which make the profane of goat offerings seem seriously mild in comparison. And "without disturbance" brings starkly to mind centuries of child abuse.

Maybe I should respond to the hostile anguish of the Christ grievers:

"Return my stolen Solstice!"

I've got an excellent case.