Yeah, I know I'm at that age.
Standing slightly tilted and looking behind myself. Not too much. Not too often. Not staring or anything. But with tears.
For he is gone.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And his dust was particularly rich.
He was incredibly kind to me.
And gifted. Gifted in humanity and compassion.
He championed me and mine. He stood up and his voice was heard when my voice wasn't.
And I, for one, am a better person because of him.
I wrote about him here. My story disguised him well. But his essence is there, his thirst for knowledge and incredibly long, involved conversations.
He listened.
He respected.
And yes, I loved him. Passionately.
And our time was lovely and memorable.
And far too brief because of my alcoholism which was in full throttle then.
I will never forget him.
Darling man.
Lovely
ReplyDeleteSad
But lovely
Thank you John, how lucky we are to have such people who lay footprints on our hearts.
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Very sad. He seemed like a very wise and compassionate man. How lovely that he wanted to care for the orphaned girl - and a very disturbed girl at that. And lovely that he had such a positive effect on you.
ReplyDeleteYes, we are in the autumn season of our lives, with leaves dancing their way to the ground. The words of the poem: 'Reason, Season, or Lifetime' seem appropriate, especially the last verse:
ReplyDeletePeople come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Nick:
ReplyDeleteYes and knowing and accepting a long term commitment would never have worked between us. A brief dance in the ballroom of time. (Gee I like that, must write it down!)
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Thanks for this GM. My emotions are very near the surface these days so my tears are unpredictable. I am so very glad we were in each other's lives. Seeing him even 10 years after our affair was profound as well, we could hardly speak with the emotions raised. A very deep connection, all too rare in this life.
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I keep trying to find kind or profound comments and fail each time. Your portrayal of him, both in this post and in the 2009 one, reveal that he was truly "gifted in humanity and compassion," as you described him.
ReplyDeleteExtraordinary man, Linda. I've never known anyone like him.
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It hurst extra when we lose extra-ordinary people because they add so much to our world and the world around them. You think that such a loss is not bearable, but you also realize all the goodness you learned from them and the better person you are for it, like you said. You have to find your peace with that, as you have. xox
ReplyDeleteYes Irene, he made the world a far brighter place.
ReplyDeleteLetting go with love applies here.
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I am sorry about the loss of your special friend. I too have been trying to think of something helpful to say but words fail when you lose someone who means so much. Your writing shares the light he brought to this world. It is my experience that the tears, or such a special love, never really end ~
ReplyDeleteA brief dance in the ballroom of time - I love that too!
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed to have had him in your life. There are many such people who go unrecognised and unmourned but the blog world allows us to say what we must.
ReplyDeleteSharon:
ReplyDeleteI believe that some people change who we intrinsically are. He touched many, many lives and had a profound effect.
His personal integrity was like a beacon.
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Nick:
ReplyDelete:) - Tx.
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Ramana:
ReplyDeleteBlogland is amazing. I helped someone start up a blog yesterday. I am hoping she'll get as much joy out of it as I have.
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I loved reading about your friend and your relationship with him. He was a gift to many in life, and such a wise compassionate spirit is to be celebrated.
ReplyDeleteYes, I feel celebratory for having known him. Not a time for tears. Truly.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for visiting me!
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Yeah, they do leave, as will we someday. I just hope, fervently wish, that I can avoid the worst case senario, outliving my kids. I'm fine with going anytime, just not after any of them.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences.
SFM:
ReplyDeleteOh profoundly I wish, yes. I know a few who didn't have that kind of luck and the effects are shattering.
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Hattie:
ReplyDeleteThank you though when I think of him now after the initial shock it is joy I feel.
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