I don't personally know these famous people who choose to die by their own hands. Alone. No goodbyes. Unable to go on. Unable to suffer another hour in addiction or depression or hopelessness or all three or even more.
Feeling their lives are worthless, placing no value on themselves or their gifts. Feeling their pain is unheard, their connection to others severed, strained, vanished.
Seeing no other way out. None.
Thinking everyone and everything shallow and hopeless, their lives one big sham. One never-ending pretence of laughing on the outside and dying inside. Wanting it over. Finished.
Nothing does the "trick": Expensive clinics or the love of a spouse or lover or child. Or grandchild. Or a parent, a sibling, a best friend.
This death. This death. I understand. I know how he felt.
And the extraordinary thing, the most extraordinary thing today, when the news was released: Two of my dearest family members in far flung countries reached out in a tight little circle to me to write communally about this. It was a group hug of the finest love. The awareness of each other and our common familial struggle with those demons of Robin Williams. And Philip Seymour Hoffman and so many others.
We three have been there. Their pain is our intimate.
And we can never, ever be complacent in our recovery.
RIP Sweet Robin.
Thanks for the laughs and the genius of your mind.
There is a powerful message in the graphic you chose.
ReplyDeleteYeah, GM, I knew that feeling intimately.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
This is a compelling post. There is no "trick" but some of us have been lucky to survive depression. The worst thing in my life was when I was alone with myself and I couldn't stand the person I was with. My salvation was family and friends who loved me even then. I think I'm on the other side of that but I will never forget that feeling and how I got help... just in case.
ReplyDeleteSharon:
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I got through this at times, especially when those I loved turned their backs, roughest time of my life.
One can be alone even though surrounded by others. Who don't understand.
I am so glad you are a survivor too.
We see life differently.
XO
WWW
Yes, this one a survivor also.
ReplyDeleteTake care and our hearts
are linked..
OWJ~
ReplyDeleteSomehow, I knew that. You take care too. Always.
XO
WWW
We grew up with a depressed mother and all of us have struggled at times, with a sibling still fighting a mighty on on-going battle.
ReplyDeleteLinda:
ReplyDeleteYes, there is a thread in families, I see it in my own with a few of us so afflicted self-medicating for years.
RW was not alone and so many of us relate to his pain and suffering.
XO
WWW
Yes, my sibling has been self medicating, too, and has spent the better part of this year in a cycle of self medicating/suicidal thoughts and attempts/rehab/repeat. So tough for him and for all who care about him.
ReplyDeleteSo brilliant. So, so sad.
ReplyDeleteExtraordinary that someone so loved could feel so alone. Then again we now know that he had a serious illness and was possibly facing the end of his third marriage, so there were extenuating circumstances on top of his depression. RIP indeed.
ReplyDelete