"What a gift it is," he says, "When all that is required is a shift in lifestyle, paying more attention to the details of day to day life with the promise being that life will get better."
I explained to my counsellor about my specialist's findings. How alarming. How demolishing.
I reflected on my three dear, dead friends. I feel he knows them intimately now. Along with my family of origin.
What an opportunity it would have been for them to change direction, make some slight adjustments to the sails and tack into a different direction on the great ocean of life. But alas their deaths had no such advance warning.
My gift indeed.
"Who do you talk to? Intimately I mean?" he asks me.
"You," I said after a minute, "Only you, there is no one else. Truly."
"But there is room for others, is there not?"
"I suppose. But shared history, depth, no way that can be replaced."
"I agree. But your spirit needs nurturing and maybe this freedom is giving you another gift in that you honour the memories of these beloved friends by opening up the space left inside you and use your last few precious years to explore your own creativity further."
Oh how I understand...
ReplyDeleteMy spirit needs nurturing also.
I will be so happy when my son arrives in 3 weeks.
It seems he understands to a different level
his mama
then his sisters.
Please take care.....
So very happy for you Ernestine, I know how much you value the time you spend with him, and he your time also.
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Having read your previous posts I would say that you do confide in someone else: your blog. And the people who read it.
ReplyDeleteYou trust us with your innermost feelings. I think that trust is justified.
I am sorry you are in a bad place. This too shall pass. Everything always does, one way or another.
No the place isn't bad, truly Friko, just changing and evolving. And yes, I do write freely on this blog, I receive private emails telling me how much it means to others and that is such a gift too.
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I like this man's perspective and advice and you do confide in your fellow bloggers probably because you know we won't march into your town and blab...My soul also needs nurturing, something unlikely to happen in my present environs, so I must figure out what to do...Look after yourself, please. hugs!
ReplyDeleteYes, he is one of a kind. I'm arranging for him to conduct a seminar locally, he does this as part of his life's work. He is gifted. I do hope you sort yourself, E - all in your time. Nobody can rush another's process.
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Ah, yes, when dear ones are gone "the shared history, depth, no way that can be replaced." Perhaps, to some extent, pouring some of this into writing here, other creative efforts, do, indeed, nourish the spirit. If so inclined, finding new individuals with whom we might develop a deep relationship does not readily occur and the time to do so may be compacted.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Yes time is of the essence now. He truly helps me to sort these sometimes conflicting emotions and loneliness. WE can transform loss. New friendships are often a performance piece for me. Hard to explain. I try to fit myself....
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Room to honor your memories, room to honor yourself. I like that.
ReplyDeleteRoom is so important Tom, we need to take time but I do have a sense of urgency now trying to carve extra chunks to finish projects and move into the light.
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"Your last few precious years" makes it sound like you're not long for this world! From what I know of your age, you've got a lot of good years left to enjoy life, and from your writing I feel that you DO enjoy your life, tough as the last couple years have been. Am I mistaken? You do write beautifully and meaningfully too; it's a pleasure to know you.
ReplyDeleteSJG - there are no guarantees, really and I believe if we treat our years as precious and few we do more with them, focus on what matters, you know? Some days I feel the beat of rushing wings and am mindful of what has happened to oh so many friends, not just the last pile-up.
DeleteThank you for your lovely words. Namaste!
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What a beautiful last paragraph. I would change only one sentence in that. Instead of "your last few precious years", I would say, "the time you still have". Otherwise, so well put.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ramana. Points taken. No guarantees, right?
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Hugs, WWW.
ReplyDeleteLovely to see you on here BG - I've often thought of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs.
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A diagnosis of illness can feel devastating, but we must remember that the 'illness' did not begin on the day the results came in... it had been lodging within us for months or sometimes years and we have been living normally: eating, sleeping, travelling and sharing time & laughter with friends & family. None of us are promised tomorrow. That is why we should greet each day as if it were the first but live it as if it were to be our last. In other words: Live for each precious moment.
ReplyDeleteOver ten years ago I was diagnosed with a heart condition - a family failing on my mother's side that affects both male and females. It was made clear to me that I might keel over during an episode and not get up. I chose not to sit scared in my corner but to listen to my body and make the most of the good times. One of those good times was meeting you when you came to Ireland. may there be many more such visits. Virtual hugs missus, from your pal across the pond.
Thanks GM, funny you should say all these profound thoughts, as I just finished a conversation with Daughter (who is immensely wise when I let her :) )and she reinforced what you said and also suggested changes which I'd been thinking about too. You're on the radar dear missus and I would love to see you again too in quieter surroundings and not on the opening of my play, LOL
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You seem to be very good at reaching out to get the help you need to pull out of these things. Best.
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