Dateline: Monday May 8th, 2017, St, John's
It's like this. Everything happens at once. My car lease is up next month, my tourist season has started, word got out my forte is filing delinquent tax returns and some are dribbling in, and I'm busy minimalising and bagging and donating excess, and oh yeah, my domain went down and new owners of same could not be traced through multiple sales of the domain holding company so I lost my address book and my domain name and the website I've had for 20+ years. And it's like the Irish pension I tried to get, I just don't have the energy anymore to keep chasing down my rights. Whatever they are - do we still have any? Do exhausted elders?
Daughter came for dinner yesterday. Her main purpose, apart from dinner, was to get me up to the Tigeen to survey what I was taking from there and to tidy up after the winter. I was terrified of the climb up. But I took one of my sticks and paused many times, the pain can be mind-numbing, but I made it. It was very emotional as I love it so much up there and Ansa and I spent so much time in this wee paradise as did some very interesting artist guests. Ansa'd go off up back and explore the woods. I'd write or just soak in the entire bay and the birds down below. But I am always mindful of attachment and hope the next person to inhabit this space will take as much pleasure in it as I did.
Speaking of, I was approached by a local who is interested in purchasing my little estate and batted not an eye at the price I'm asking. He needs to convince his wife, as he's in love with the place.
Here is what I've been thinking lately, when younger, and all these things came crashing down around us, we had the moxie to handle it all and keep going, knowing that we were smart, young, and capable. Now, as a senior citizen, I'm not so sure any more. I'm feeling sorely inadequate when I have to face issues that need immediate attention to fix.
ReplyDeleteMe too DKZ! There was an incorrect charge on a credit card today and I found it so hard to call and wait and key in the numbers so many times (why?) and get my life gobbled up for THEIR mistake! On top of everything else which is a lot at the moment.
DeleteInadequate to the tasks. That's it. Just all too much along with a caulking gun that won't work and laundry and feeding myself.....and....I'm completely exhausted.
XO
WWW
I understand the above comment
ReplyDeleteand WWW
thoughts and prayers continually going your way
Overwhelm, I know you get it Ernestine. I love that I can vent here, I don't in the real world. It helps as I have so many friends like you. DKZ and others out there sharing this challenging new environment.
DeleteXO
WWW
I don't know whether at fifty-eight, I'm to be considered a senior but the older I get, the more tired I feel about chasing things down that demand my time...the adage about picking one's battles comes to mind here though in your case, you must attend to the minimizing and the car and the house selling as well as the taxes, as I assume you'll be paid for that. I hope you're able to rest a bit each day so that the pain doesn't take you down. Sending warm thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI was so exhausted yesterday that when I got home I crashed at 7.00 pm and awoke at 5.30 this morning. I can't recall this length of sleep in yonks. I find there's a lot of demands on my time too, phone, knocks on the door, not too bad in themselves but on top of everything else it's the straw. You know what I mean.
DeleteI'm trying to wear the nice face but at times I'm sure I look positively savage.
XO
WWW
Like commenter e above, at 59, I'm trying to figure out if I've hit senior status. I married late and had children very late, so I'm still taking care of them, plus a sick dog. No regrets about life's choices I've made, however, I can relate to the "overwhelmed" term.
ReplyDeleteIs anyone out there coasting along?! LOL
Hang in there and focus on the good things in your life. By the way, I'm pitifully trying to minimize and simplify, too. *sigh*
Anita:
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have a plate that's spilling over the sides. I remember at your age with weekends tied up with my granddaughter and sighing with relief when I turned her back to her mother. Even then feeling child care exhaustion. I think we're too hard on ourselves, the women who do too much and expect to keep up this hectic unrealistic pace!
XO
WWW
Whew ... just reading this has made me exhausted. Good luck and keep calm!
ReplyDeleteThanks Tom, I do seek validation now and again as I find myself questioning my own performance.
DeleteXO
WWW
There! The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!
ReplyDeleteJFC I sure hope so Ramana!
DeleteTrudging the road to grab it is brutal.
XO
WWW
Wow~ That was a good sleep you had! It'll have done you a lot of good I'm certain.
ReplyDeleteWhat a day you'd had too! I'm reminded of a quote from old Willy Shakes: When sorrows[and problems] come, they come not single spies...But in battalions.
I hope today was much better and more serene for you, WWW.
I had to tell a co-worker today how terrible I was feeling. I made a doc appointment for tomorrow. Which for me means crisis.
DeleteHe said to me I looked like I was at breaking point. I can't look at my BP pressure cuff anymore. And I'm on all these meds :(
So fingers crossed for tomorrow.
XO
WWW
Oh my, WWW - SNAP!! I'm in the same quandry about taking my BP. Can't get it stable at all. Doc keeps saying it'll take longer for new meds to have "full therapeutic effect" - but they are doing nothing at present, seem to be making it worse. I sympathise with you, and know exactly how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI know this is the wrong thread to put this, but can't find the other:
ReplyDeleteToday a woman owned upholstery business brought her price down nearly half in order to re-do my 60 (she guessed) yr old chair, which rocks, so I can alleviate the pain. What with the back full of metal brackets and screws, and the leg swelling and foot rot and wot not. Nearly half. So now DD and I can afford it. Because I still wouldn't be able to float it on my own.
No! I said. Really. Oh she'd been thinking of me all night, my pain, my chair needs (next comes the 25 yr old recliner, where is the only place I can sleep when it's bad...). She's going to do that too, because mechanism failing. Oh she'd been thinking of me all night. After I said, I can't do it I know you're worth it but I can't do it.
And she called back with her idea. Almost half. Something in the way she spoke resonated. Are you from down east I ask?
Newfoundland.
WWW I am in tears. How can I thank this woman for this gift she's given me. There are real and wonderul people on this Earth, and some of them leave Newfoundland to be fairies elsewhere.
Marg's Upholstery, Edmonton. Marg is long gone sadly, but Cathy runs the business the way lets her slep at night.