I live in a place which has the title "Lodge" in it. This is either a glamorous or depressing word depending on your history with it. If at all. I was raised in Ireland where there were many lodges, most notably those small houses holding a gatekeeper at the end of a long curving driveway leading to a mansion of the landed gentry. The lodge keeper would come out, tip the forelock if you were recognised, or run you off if you weren't. Then there were hunting lodges for the mad fox persecutors with their baying hounds and horns. But I digress.
Daughter lives in a Cove and keeps a journal of "As the Cove Turns" which provides weekly entertainment for us both, so I started my own particular journal.
I decided to do occasional little updates on where I live, in my lodge with 48 other apartments. Yes, I am "lodged" here but am not a "lodger" which implies dismal cabbage-smelling boarding houses in Bournemouth. Amazing how one word opens up so many other interpretations and riffs.
As The Lodge Lurches
My next door neighbour, Grace, 91, just died. I didn't know her well, just to chat with in passing. The Lodge is a small village. Like high school, little cliques, chronic complainers, recluses (me, selective), drunks, flirts, it is a microcosm of the human race. Little battles break out about usage of the two fine and beautiful common rooms, bingo and cards and darts versus piano practice, workshops, scrabble games. I hear about them in passing and don't participate except to ask the most wounded and hurt "And why do you listen to gossip about yourself?" Because they do. Gossip is the currency. I had warned a friend who moved in here to be truly selective as to who she hangs with and she made the mistake of befriending every lost soul and their troubles and now they bang on her door at 9 at night and because she's nosy she opens the door to them and is going mental so comes up here the odd time and pours out her distress at being the target of so many strays and being unable to stop. So now she gets drunk with a few of them every Saturday night. Old age is complex and almost child-like at times. I keep my distance and am happy that way. My boundaries are clear and I am not afraid to enforce them.
I sign off with this:
'Reclusivity’ is a good thing, except for when you want company. I am so sorry you are no longer living in your cosy cottage but the time comes when we can no longer cope on our own. I doubt that you are entirely ready to give up your independence, I see you as a feisty and determined old girl, staunchly defending your right to do as wish. Getting old is a bugger but we can at last ignore the opinions of other. Sorry your friend is not learning from you.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is affecting our friendship which makes me sad as she is so depressed from all these whiners and borers. I have very good friends in the building and we lurk in each others' apartments at times but are content with our own company much of the time.
DeleteI love my apartment, it is splendid and sunny and has magnificent views. I hope I'm here until the casket bearers come.
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Oh god. Don't remind me of the way people can be tiresome no matter how old and wise we get. Farta. -Kate
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. They were not interested in workshops I tried to start, etc. Worlds can become so tiny if we let them.
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But keep up the "lodge" segments! -Kate
ReplyDeleteI will, they keep me and Daughter amused. Boy I'm so glad I'm anonymous here!
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That's a cute cartoon. Well, as for lodging, you don't feel so isolated because of the people you live with. It would be worse living in a hut in the middle of a forest with no other humans in sight.
ReplyDeletegigi, this is Gemma's Person. I SO live like that ...in the middle of a forest with no other humans in sight. Unless you count my husband.
DeleteI am a property manager for a 50 unit apartment building for people 55 and older. Your description of your building is spot on. I thought I would like an apartment in the building....BUT....they found me the first day. That was 15 years ago. We have sold our building and are leaving at the end of February. But only to go across town. I am 77 and do not want to drop dead working. Your descriptions are very thought out and perfect. I have all of your descriptions. I will miss them. They will still call. They will still invite to the yard sales and the pot lucks. The new owner will have to teach them how to use the fire extinguishers....hopefully they won't need them. My building is on my website. www.aikencrest.com
ReplyDeleteWell you had a good run at it, having the building for so long and learning all the quirks and foibles of your tenants. There might be a book in it someday!
DeleteI will keep the Lurching segment up to date!
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Sigh. Gossip is common currency - and sadly debased.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your friend is caught up in it, and doing her best to drag you into the morass as well.
This introvert loves and needs time on her own, as I suspect you do.
I am really looking forward to more lodge tales from you though.
My solitary time is the key to my joy quotient like today. :) It is awful to see her depression but I stay my distance from her she needs to sort it out. She is a downer and when I do meet with friends I don't include her as we have such a good time full of laughter and commiseration on each others' health.
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A lodge, to me, brings to mind a large,log, open gathering room with a fireplace , where like minded outdoor lovers meet after a day of hiking, bird-watching, skiing,fishing, just enjoying nature in the great outdoors. At the end of the day , they go to their own rooms to retire. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, that is another type Gemma. I stayed with my father at a lodge in Vermont owned by the Trapp Family, gorgeous spot up a mountain. Many interpretations of the word!
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The picture you have looks like a nice place to live. Lots of character in the looks of the lodge. Sentimental me.
DeleteYou are right. Lodge and its variations is such a loaded word and can mean so many things. I am not sure men gossip so much, thinking of a place like yours with that many male residents. Maybe I am wrong about that.
ReplyDeleteThe men are more detached from it I believe Andrew. I frankly wouldn't know. I do chat to them in passing (looking at old car sales on the internet, hockey guys) and keeping themselves fit and attractive (far outnumbered by women tenants). I find I'm one of the few who have "real" conversations with them as the women flirt and fall apart into giggles and eyebatting. It is truly disconcerting.
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What a brilliant little journal. Life is pretty much the same here in the trailer park, and I am just off the phone with my former next door neighbor. We say we were raised the same. About one a week one of us checks up on the other, then we have a great natter about who is mad at whom and did what to who and so forth and so on. Light relief.
ReplyDeleteOh Joanne, that sounds wonderful. I relieve pressure with Daughter and vice versa for her. there is no end to the stupidity and drama. I am so very glad I've never been involved. We fall apart some days, it should be filmed!!
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When I hear the word Lodge I think of my Dad
ReplyDeleteHe'd go down to the Lodge and meet with his fellow Buffs! RAOB
There's another interpretation Cathy. I remember my dad at a Knights Lodge, strange secret carryons. No women. Of course.
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Nice little newsletter, that is. I have a similar problem with neighbours coming to me to see what I can do about whatever their problem is. sometimes I help, sometimes I can't. Most recently I had a neighbour ask would I feel her breast because she's found a lump, she thinks and I told her no way and to phone a home visit doctor, she said she already had and was waiting, so I said she didn't need me and closed the door. Most requests aren't that odd, but that particular neighbour is.
ReplyDeleteGood grief River, how terribly weird. But then mental illness can exhibit in strange ways. Boundaries are so important with people. One tenant (sent by my idiot friend)wanted me to sort out her knitting as IF had told her I would. No. No time. Google it, I said firmly.
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Lodge in India by and large refers to inns that offer boarding and lodging.
ReplyDeletehttps://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/board-and-lodging
For me, it means The Masonic Lodge to which my father used to go to.
Those Mason Lodges were everywhere across the globe. Strange places. As a child one of my friends hid behind a curtain at one of their meetings and had to be sworn to secrecy afterwards. She said it was a pile of mumbo-jumbo anyway.
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On my street there are four of us senior recluses living in close proximity, we are on good terms with each other but rarely “socialize” together. Just enough contact to ensure that we are moderately safe and know who to count on for help when needed. I don’t think any of us have taken advantage or gossiped in a negative way about each other. I like your lodge-living, the way you have so far managed not to get embroiled but can still observe the eccentricities of elder living. Not to mention not having to deal with snow shovelling or firewood or roof repairs or flooded basements or...
ReplyDeleteExactly Annie, the advantages of living here far out weigh my living where I was much as I loved it. There comes a time and we have to surrender to the demands of the aging body. Yes, the whole trick is to learn boundaries and be clear and concise as your whole life can be demanded by others and their needs. I've seen it happen here.
DeleteOur building manager only came in here without notice once (parcel dropping) but that was the end of that.
I have a few trusted kindred spirits here for assistance when needed.
Sounds like your 'hood is very well suited to your needs.
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I guess that's one drawback of an apartment block like yours, that if you get too friendly with other residents, they can knock on your door at any old time and vent their various frustrations and complaints. As you say, it's wise to be very selective about who you befriend!
ReplyDeleteExactly Nick, and establish all those boundaries at the beginning of residence. Not later when you would be deemed rude and churlish. Now I am just eccentric and I love it.
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I'm late again, WWW. Been a bit off it for a few days.
ReplyDelete"Lodge" - yes, I used to know a girl who had that surname - Margaret Lodge - long long ago - at junior school. Also, we lived in an apartment building (the one what burnt down) next to a lodge belonging to the house of some industrial magnate or other in Leeds, Yorkshire. When it became vacant I dreamed of buying it - but finances were way too slim, and mortgages hard to come buy, back then.
From your previous post - I'm glad to read that your medical issues are being very efficiently looked after, WWW, and hope that you are feeling much better now.
I love all these definitions of Lodge. Also the best cast iron manufacturer today is a company called Lodge.One of my teachers lived with her widower father in a lodge. She was quite bitter and even at 10yo I knew that about her. I was over 40 when I got my 1st mortgage as a single woman. A female bank manager took a chance of me. As back in that day we needed "co-signers" being brainless and flighty. LOLOL
DeleteI hope your days are not too awful. Mine are up and down, I still think that lung of mine is not right or the blood. I feel so tired all of the time. Loads of more appointments coming up but you know all about that.
We soldier on.
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Any men there to become the attraction of competitive forces? Have heard that can be a problem some places. Sounds like living in college dorms of my youth. Much to be said for time to oneself. Glad you’re able to avoid it all, but sorry about your friend getting caught up.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, most of the women lose half their brain cells with the approach of the *few* men. Giggling and cooing. Different personalities entirely. I will never understand it. I can't imagine behaving like that and never did. And there were no shortage of men in my life LOL.
ReplyDeleteMy mingling is very limited indeed :)
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ha ha on the cartoon!
ReplyDeleteWhen my son was in a summer program when he was about 12, he wrote a comic series called "The Facility" about his experiences there.