This is one of the toughest lessons of my life. Not that I haven't had tough lessons in the past. When you begin training for a walk around the block when you're carrying massive extra poundage and graduate to a marathon a couple of years later, there's some serious learning curve in there. And I did that.
So sitting down and reflecting and bemoaning the fact that I have only two speeds - full tilt and reverse - I decided to map out my days differently. Into tiny bites, not tubs.
So if I have, say, a grocery pickup, the dishes can lie down for a while, the library can wait. Groceries require carting a huge distance with my trolley in tow and then need putting away. Action for the day is done just with that. I am wiped.
If I am visiting or going out, showering is enough. The bed can stay unmade that day. Who's to see it? Also dishes can continue to lie, they are going nowhere.
I am such a MORE person, always tweaking more out of life. This has to stop. I can't cheat my limitations and meddle with my mental health and outlook.
Today I managed some work and a Zoom meeting which I hosted and doing up dishes. End of. No more.
It was ENOUGH.
I am fortunate in that I have meals for 3 days in the fridge and more in my freezer.
An enormous sense of relief descended over me when I realized that I was fooling myself badly with the amount of energy I thought I had and the pathetically little standing I can manage.
It was playing havoc with my outlook. If I have to take the garbage out - this is a ginormous trek - that's it for action for the day. No going on to visit or a side trip somewhere.
It's ENOUGH.
A belated wee birthday party for me yesterday evening.
Yes, yes, yes. One "big" job a day. This second from a woman who did three big walking jobs one day last week. My across street neighbor realized I was in trouble and bailed me out.
ReplyDeleteI wish you could find a trash solution. Maybe trade some service to a neighbor who could take both of your trash bags to the bin. Make them a meal? I trade trash. Ours costs, and I let a neighbor who cannot pay use my bins and them get them to the curb and back. It's worked perfectly for more than a year.
We're all quite old here Joanne, I did bring it up yesterday with two of the tenants who are equally incredulous at how distant our garbage disposal is. They are more agile than I.
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Your time and energy portions are very similar to mine. One major undertaking per day is enough, the difference being I can't go to bed at night unless the dishes are done. I cannot face a morning where dishes from the day before are still on the sink.
ReplyDeleteI was like that too River but needs must, sometimes there's nothing left over at the end of the day.
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A drawer and a chore per day.....that’s been my motto for quite a while. Dishes don’t bother me - towels on the bathroom floor do (and there are two of us guilty on that). So he does the dishes, I’ll tidy up......we often make/pull up the bed before getting into it. Well beds need to air don’t they??
ReplyDeleteThat's a good philosophy Cathy, one drawer and one chore.
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Oh yes. And if the job is really big and essential, that might have to be it for more than one day.
ReplyDeleteA lesson I have painfully learnt and relearnt more often than I should.
Me too EC, everything these days takes a toll.
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I convinced my partner that if he was to continue to do housework that he should break it down and not end up exhausted after three hours of work. So, his bathroom one day, mine the next and the dusting the next. I do the vacuuming. The same with the balcony, glass one day, windows the next and I mop and clean the barbeque. It is just adjusting to what you feel comfortable doing.
ReplyDeleteTerrific plan Andrew, where no one is passed out from exhaustion, or cranky and irritable and hopeless (me). Balance is the key.
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Happy belated brithday to you. Learning to pace yourself is hard work. Sounds like you're learning.
ReplyDeleteThank you Charlotte. Some life lessons come hard.
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Nice to see an improved frame of mind.
ReplyDeleteIt is, I am more accepting (I think) though so effing exhausted most of the time.
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Happy Birthday!! A good time to reflect on changes going forward and it sounds like you have some you are trying out. Listening to one's body telling you when enuf is enuf. We don't always want to hear. I understand that.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary, yes impatience is a big thing for me. And accepting where I actually am in life.
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The added bonus of only one major task a day is, you get the satisfaction of ticking it off the list and knowing you accomplished something. Instead of having 5 tasks to do and only managing to tick off one. Perspective!
ReplyDeleteVery good point Annie. I've stopped making those Big Fail You lists.
DeleteOne item now and if I manage to do an extra I'm inordinately proud.
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Happy Birthday, dearie! xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteIn my internet research travels for writing time-management planners, I learned a similar important fact: making your task list too long every day doesn't help, but actually hinders, you. It's better to list just ONE thing as a priority for each day; three at MOST. Accomplishing that one thing motivates us to do the next thing -- if there's time and energy. Most people make themselves such a long list of priority tasks that they can never hope to accomplish them all, and then feel burned out and disappointed and unmotivated and like failures. Your new attitude toward what you expect from yourself in a day will serve you well. More of us ought to adopt it. -Kate
Thank you Kate for the good wishes. Yes one task is quite enough these days. Gone are the days of 20 and the frantic pace that went with it.
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Wishing you a very good new year in your life and with a fresh outlook regarding how you live it - can't beat that. I can certainly relate to adapting to the older me. I also have slowly come to the realization that less is more for me. Anxiety lessens. I'm more content. Why did it take me such a long time? Anyyway Wisewebwoman, I wish you all the very best for your birthday. You deserve it. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Regina. I do have an underlying sense of anxiety, mainly my own health related which I am working on. Trying to relax and wear the world like a loose garment. Easier said than done.
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That's a nice cake. Happy birthday. Aloha from Hawaii.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gigi.
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Oh yes!! How I identify with the low energy level. I keep thinking that if I really tried harder or organized things more efficiently, that I could get more done. But the fact is that just the basics of daily living is hard. Pretty much if it doesn’t get done in the morning, chances of it getting done that day are not good..
ReplyDeleteYes!! Mornings are the most important part of the day, when afternoon rolls around all that energy has evaporated. I use the term "all" loosely of course. Nothing like the old days.
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Enough and good enough are a good way to live. You will figure this out! I too went from an out of shape woman to someone who ran a marathon. One of the proudest days of my life.
ReplyDeleteGood for you Ain't. Some days we have to rest on those long ago laurels. I know I do :)
DeleteJust look at what we were capable of in our Good Old Days!
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I can't even begin to imagine running a marathon! well done, you!
ReplyDeleteand now, one accomplishment a day is enough. it will give you energy to use on things you enjoy and we all want more of that