Antidote

....view last night from my front deck....

Antidote to what, you might ask? Well, life.

A friend has been making these posts about "What makes me happy today." So I thought to adapt it and use it myself. Focus on the good stuff. I felt the stress pile up again, too much on the platter at the moment. Too much bursting of bubbles too. I feel I was living in one for a while and now it's smashed wide open and I see my delusion, my tolerance and excuse making for some pretty nasty behaviour exhibited towards me. And while there's freedom in that awakening, there's also grieving. We only truly grieve broken dreams, I believe. I don't like waking up to reality but once I'm through a few days of it there's a wonderful freedom in the untethering of expectations.

So here's my happies for today:

I was gifted with a whole evening to myself. A meeting was cancelled as we didn't have a quorum.

I found a pot of thyme. You need to know how much I adore thyme and can never, ever find it in Newfoundland. I found a wee pot today. It is sitting in my kitchen window as if we have sun.

I planned out the menus for friends who are arriving to stay for a while. I love planning menus and looking at well used recipes. One of the friends can't tolerate garlic or onions so I enjoyed the challenge of leaving my very favourite ingredients out of things and substituting (lime anyone?)

I hung some pictures, I don't know why I haven't hung them here before as they all have meaning.

And while I was hanging them, I thought: why aren't you hanging your own pictures? So I'll get a few blown up and framed. That will make me even happier, seeing my own work on my walls.

Blog Jam

I bring you an iris from my walkabout the other day.

Sometimes old clichés - tried and true wee sayings - keep me going when everything else seems to fail.

Focus on what works and not on what doesn't is the mantra of the moment.

I've been doing that lately. A lot. It staves off depression that keeps banging on my door. Depression over stuff that doesn't work. Family shyte as I term it. Puzzling and powerful and wounding and awful and unfathomable at times.

So what's working?

Leo cleaned out my chimney. Leo whipper-snipped the meadow and around the trees. He was off in his own wee world for a while and I was beginning to think I should get a sheep. Or a goat. Sometimes I think I've got too much land. And then he defugues himself and I come home to a sparkling chimney and outside haircuts on all the grass.

Some new friends and I ploughed the Rennie's River Trail yesterday. It was wonderful. I didn't know the city of St. John's had this magical hidden path running through it. We walked up hill and down dale in this fairy tale setting. Waterfalls, flowers, all kinds of blossoming trees and wildlife.

Daughter calls with good news of full steam ahead in the disposal of her Toronto house and her potential move of her base of operations to here. And Grandgirl's annual flight out here is booked for September (she's a working student now).

And tonight, an old friend, this makes me choke up, thanked me for saving his life three years ago. And meant it. He had severe depression and was suicidal and all I did was listen. And understand. And share some of my own flirtations with death with him. Sometimes we don't know when we're helping people, do we? All that's needed is time. And a willing ear. And compassion. He made my year so far. I had no idea of how close he was as what he didn't tell me that night was about the hose he had stashed in the trunk of his car. And ending it all that very night once I had left.

I need to stay focussed on these positive items at the moment as other stuff, that I can do absolutely nothing about, is trying to send me over the edge.

The Tiny Things

I never used to get such a charge out of the small things in life as I do today.

A few examples in the last few days:

The dog and I were waiting anxiously for the first frost. A very important event in this outport with masses of wild rose bushes everywhere. That’s when rose bushes give us their final gift of the year: rosehips, which are ready for the picking after the first frost.

Well it happened. And they were. And I made them into fabulous rose hip jam right away. Much to the astonishment of the locals. They pick all the wild berries here, bakeapples (or cloudberries), cranberries, blueberries and partridge berries. But have never heard of doing anything with rosehips until the CFA (Come From Away - i.e. moi) started picking them.

I don’t have to tell you about the taste surely? Incredible. And a surefire cure for a cold or the flu.

And then, as I’d treated myself to a really good thermometer for setting point of jellies and jams, being this fresh reincarnation, The Outport Woman, I decided to make my own organic yoghurt. Temperature is of the utmost importance with homemade yoghurt at all stages of the making. And by gum. Guess what. This yogurt is to D-I-E for. And I’d say about 1/5 of the price of organic yoghurt in the shops.

And finally, as I’d promised myself and family I’d use every inch of wool stash (you have absolutely NO idea) before I bought more wool, I started knitting a cardigan for myself. I’ve always wanted a hand-knitted cardie and have knitted so many for others over the years. My turn. With every colour of the rainbow on it. You’ll see The Outport Woman coming, let me tell ya.



It’s all the perfect antidote to Iran, climate change, the Great Depression and Peak Oil.