I bring you an iris from my walkabout the other day.
Sometimes old clichés - tried and true wee sayings - keep me going when everything else seems to fail.
Focus on what works and not on what doesn't is the mantra of the moment.
I've been doing that lately. A lot. It staves off depression that keeps banging on my door. Depression over stuff that doesn't work. Family shyte as I term it. Puzzling and powerful and wounding and awful and unfathomable at times.
So what's working?
Leo cleaned out my chimney. Leo whipper-snipped the meadow and around the trees. He was off in his own wee world for a while and I was beginning to think I should get a sheep. Or a goat. Sometimes I think I've got too much land. And then he defugues himself and I come home to a sparkling chimney and outside haircuts on all the grass.
Some new friends and I ploughed the Rennie's River Trail yesterday. It was wonderful. I didn't know the city of St. John's had this magical hidden path running through it. We walked up hill and down dale in this fairy tale setting. Waterfalls, flowers, all kinds of blossoming trees and wildlife.
Daughter calls with good news of full steam ahead in the disposal of her Toronto house and her potential move of her base of operations to here. And Grandgirl's annual flight out here is booked for September (she's a working student now).
And tonight, an old friend, this makes me choke up, thanked me for saving his life three years ago. And meant it. He had severe depression and was suicidal and all I did was listen. And understand. And share some of my own flirtations with death with him. Sometimes we don't know when we're helping people, do we? All that's needed is time. And a willing ear. And compassion. He made my year so far. I had no idea of how close he was as what he didn't tell me that night was about the hose he had stashed in the trunk of his car. And ending it all that very night once I had left.
I need to stay focussed on these positive items at the moment as other stuff, that I can do absolutely nothing about, is trying to send me over the edge.
Very true how we often help people without realising it, just by listening and being sympathetic. So often that's all people need, a bit of sympathy among a sea of indifferent faces busy with their own worries.
ReplyDeleteYou always give me reason to think deeper intellectually about an issue you post, even when it is a subject I may not feel comfortable about for whatever reason. We don't exist by chance. There is a method to all of this madness, I am sure of it. You are a chain in my link. xox
ReplyDeleteI meant a link in my chain, ha ha!
ReplyDeleteNick:
ReplyDeleteIt is so important. So many people have helped me along the way that I must, even in a small way, try and pay it forward or back sometimes.
And focussing on what's working and not the other stuff.
XO
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Irene:
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes we can't get make any sense of it, especially of casual cruelties that cut to the heart. Why do people wound others without thought of the effect of their words or negligence?
I've been sick over this.
But one thing for sure, it will pass and not hurt so very much.
You're a chain in my link too :)
XO
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I haven't read The Four Agreements yet (much to daughter's disgust---she's the one told me it was great, I should read it!)but the book has as one of the Agreements --- "Don't take anything personally!" because it's not about you. It's the problem of the person who lets hurtful words fly without a thought of the damage they will do...
ReplyDeleteThe positives are certainly worth focusing on! Given a choice, kindness and compassion are the best options, as the story of your friend illustrates.
A very timely post for me to read! Focusing with what works (for me this is gutting a bathroom by myself) and working on not taking things personally, which affirms my efforts to deal with the recent rudeness of a coworker. There is lots in my life that does not work, mountains and mountains of things, but if I don't look down, I don't panic.
ReplyDeleteIn writing this you have, once again, passed goodwill forward.
I hope this does not seem irrelevant, but when I started getting treatment for high blood pressure and atrial fibrillation my occasional bouts of depression and feeling weak and helpless disappeared. Could health problems be part of what is going on? I thought of myself as very robust for my age but was actually struggling and I did not realize that, since this condition sneaked up on me.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete"You always made time, talked a little, but mostly listened. Sitting with me for hours on end, you helped keep the predawn ghosts at bay and saved me from myself!"
That was said to me earlier this week. Later, I recalled the time and counted back the years.... It was forty years ago and I had totally forgotten all about it.
We should never underestimate the time we give to others.
WWW, in my eyes, you rock. Lending a listening ear is often a big cure for depression and I know this from personal experience. Right now, I have three people who just come over and talk and I listen. All three claim that they benefit. I keep telling them that I am not a counselor or a psychiatrist and that they should seek professional help, but they are loath to. There is a lot of stigma attached to it here.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel my own down swing coming, I call my friend in Bombay and we go off to his farm house for the reverse process. He is a great listener and believe me, it helps.
I reiterate, you rock. Rockers do not go over the edge. Not the kind I mean here.
You've said it "focus on what works" - and the other really important one you mentioned "this will pass". A really good combination, which - thanks to you - works for me too.
ReplyDeleteNow pop over on Fascinating Aida's site and enjoy their latest "Down with the Kids" and have a good chortle.
Do think about the good, that you give and that you live. I know it is hard. Darn hard.
ReplyDeleteThink about the good.
Molly:
ReplyDeleteThank you! I so needed to see that. I've lost the run of myself (as our people say) in the last few days.
Getting it back. A day at a time.
XO
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Maggie:
ReplyDeletethank you. I've had to really work hard at this in the last wee while.
Good luck with all you have to do and take solace in the things you do!
XO
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Hattie:
ReplyDeletethanks for the suggestion but there have been painful events in my life in the past week and I don't believe any of my feelings are health related but rather emotionally based. I know I feel things more deeply than others (I'm an addict after all) and I know this will pass.
XO
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GM:
ReplyDeleteWe tend to forget until we are told because it is in the unawareness of what we are doing that there lies the gift of our unconscious support.
thanks for sharing this. And having met you in the flesh, I know I could tell you anything...
XO
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Thank you Ramana, what lovely words you give and what lovely ones you share.
ReplyDeleteI do my best, as do you, that is why we are unprepared for cruel words from those we love.
XO
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Luz:
ReplyDeleteThe link is not working :(
Can you resend?
Thanks!
XO
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Mel:
ReplyDeleteThanks, it's funny that, but when you're kicked, all the good seems to vanish. I'm finding it very difficult in the last few days.
XO
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OK gal here goes - http://www.fascinatingaida.co.uk/videos 5th video down. If you didn't catch "cheap flights" about Ryanair before, that's on there too to be enjoyed.
ReplyDeletexxxP