"Swimming in the sea of me". Now where did I hear that phrase. Sometimes it's inevitable though, pain climbs up the backside and throws its hands around my eyes, blocking out the light, the love and yes, hope.
And then I get catapulted into the lives of others. And that happened yesterday with the floods in Toronto and worry about Daughter and Grandgirl and their well-being which expanded into a discussion about climate change and Daughter's activism which involves death threats. Yes. And no more can I say about that without imperilling her. She is very brave, is Daughter. So she was on the one landline in her house that worked, in a corner of her dining room plugged into the old fashioned jack on the wall with all the power out in the city, the vast immobilized city. Note to others: always make sure you have a real honest to goodness landline somewhere in your home. And yes, like her, a windup radio or one with batteries.
So my sadness about my particular roadblock rolled off me and afterwards, I was able to package it up and file it under "unsolvable mysteries of life" and move on. I slept last night, all night, for the first time in maybe weeks. And yes, I feel good today, not dragging the old butterama around, muttering darkly to the dog about misunderstandings and casual cruelties and raw rejection by loved ones.
And a new friend called and asked me about East Coast Trailing. We found each other! I had always wanted to hike with a companion on the East Coast Trail. Another item on the bucket list. It's not something one does alone as parts of it are dangerous and visions of lying helpless, broken-legged, at the bottom of a cliff for a couple of weeks stopped my solitary explorations right in their tracks. I may be foolhardy but I can be surprisingly mature when it comes to personal risk-taking - much to my own astonishment.
Another catapult. Bring them on.
When you have a family, there's always something to worry about isn't there?
ReplyDeleteAlways go roving with a second person because, yes, you never know if you might bust a leg or something & not have a mobile signal. (worst case scenario!)
Maggie x
Nuts in May
That’s life, up and down, good and bad.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly dislike people who are always up, bright and sunny, shrieking their permanent joy into the world regardless of the world’s need for it.
That’s another reason I like coming here, this is what being adult is all about.
I think each depressive period has its natural ending anyway and who's to say what will trigger that? We snap out of it and are done with it.
ReplyDeleteI am glad for you and I am very familiar with this. Sometimes with me all it takes is a good cry and a good nap and then I'm back to normal again. They sort of reset my mechanism.
Like Friko says, we can't be in a permanent state of happiness, but contentment would be nice.
Maggie:
ReplyDeleteNow I understand the caution of elders. For the first time!
XO
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Friko:
ReplyDeleteYes, it gets kind of boring and a little unbelievable when I see the happy lives of others written about almost every day. I tend to disbelieve. No one can feel like that all the time. Unless heavily sedated :)
XO
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Irene:
ReplyDeleteI've had many good cries in the last wee while. Hopelessness. Sorrow. Grieving.
Sometimes life feels that raw to me. And no crutches. Bare naked.
XO
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Wise Web Woman, your reply to Irene is evocative, like poetry: "Sometimes life feels that raw to me. And no crutches. Bare naked."
ReplyDeleteAnd I do agree with Friko. There is nothing more irritating than the permanently 'happy' brigade. It's so false it stinks. And serving what purpose?
I hope your daughter will be alright. Nothing worse than worrying about one's offspring.
U
I'm impressed that your daughter continues to be a political activist despite the death threats. I'm not sure I'd have the same determination in the same circumstances.
ReplyDeleteUrsula:
ReplyDeleteDaughter is fine, thank you. And worry about offspring is the worst!
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Nick:
ReplyDeleteAnything truly threatening to the status quo has infiltrators and death threats, right?
I'm very proud of her.
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I remember a fews years ago when my son was traveling home form a school by bus following the path of a supercell of tornados that were travelling along the state. I was sick with worry - much more so for him even though I was also in the direct path of those tornados. There's no worry in this world like the one you have for your offspring.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your friend wants to do that trai with you - sounds perfect!
Like the East Coast trail, life has its dangerous and bleak moments. You have a knack, though, for identifying the hard spots and coming to terms with them. It's very encouraging to read here.
ReplyDeleteSAW:
ReplyDeleteYes, the worries for our children supersede our own every time!
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Pauline:
ReplyDeleteEast Coast Trail as a simile for life, I like that, thanks!
Coming to terms is a painful process, though :)
XO
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" I may be foolhardy but I can be surprisingly mature when it comes to personal risk-taking - much to my own astonishment."
ReplyDeleteIn my book, that is called character.
Ramana:
ReplyDeleteOh you sweet talker you!
XO
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if you think this is the first time ?
ReplyDeletelook in this its is the first time
ReplyDeleteyes it take time for this
ReplyDelete