Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Lighthouse Doctor

I had to visit my lovely doctor today, he thought I had pneumonia, I was beginning to believe him, being a bit dizzy. Hard of hearing too. You would have pitied me at rehearsal yesterday:

"Can you repeat that?"
"No, I'm not yelling at you, I can't hear myself!"
"The harmonies were a bit off? Oh, sorry, right."
"Oh, I'm just repeating her idea? Sorry."

Gives me a fresh appreciation for the gift of all my senses.

Anyway it turns out both my ears are infected quite badly requiring anti-bs and ear drops. Rather crucial it gets cleared up by the weekend, yeah? This script will do it, Dr. M says as he hands it to me.

Anyway, as he is wont to do, my doctor entertains me with stories as he assesses me.


He gets a ship to shore call from a lighthouse 2 miles off the coast telling him there's a patient in terrible pain who can't be moved. He heads down, as instructed, to the wharf to find an ancient oarsman and his dory ready to take him off across the rough seas to the small island.

My god, thinks Dr. M, the man doesn't look like he'll make it to morning never mind through tonight!

Dr. M offers to take one of the oars and the old man reacts in horror,

"No doctor will ever touch my oars. No sar. Your hands are for the healing!"

The oldster doesn't break a sweat on the arduous journey and pulls in at the small pier off the lighthouse. A huge Newfoundland dog bounds down countless steps and waits, panting.

"Follow her now, she'll take you to the sickbed!"

Dr. M followed the dog. Up and up and up. And there's a woman roiling in pain around the bed, her husband ringing his hands in sympathy and not much else.

Dr. M completes the examination and inserts a suppository and tells the woman she will be out of pain in about 15 minutes and heads downstairs where the lighthouse keeper offers him tea. In the middle of his tea there is a series of screams from upstairs and he bounds up, two steps at a time.

He bursts out laughing at this point in the story and gasping, regains control of himself.

"Swear to god," he sputters, "She must have been constipated for a month! A month I tell you! It even hit the ceiling!

"I laughed all the way back in the dory. I didn't wait to see yer man the keeper's face after he went upstairs to the wife! A month of Sundays would have to come and go to get the place cleaned up again!

"And the very, very best part, and this shows you the heart of us Newfoundland people right there, is that a few days later a fresh salmon was delivered to my door sent by the two of them!"


  1. This is what anti-b's are meant for, hope it will clear rapidly, what with all the good sea air.And rest.
    Loved your story about the lighthouse constipation.

  2. I hope the anitbiotics work very quickly and that was a delightful story your doctor told you. xox

  3. I' hoping you will be as clear and free as that woman real soon! Take care.

  4. I haven't had occasion to meet our local doctor yet - an elderly Indian gentleman. His surgery opens at 6am until 12 noon - and you just turn up - no appts. necessary. When my husband went he was most interested in talking about cricket when he realised he was from England. Well his knowledge of cricket dates back to the early 1970's when we emigrated but they had a good conversation anyway -and got his ailment treated well too!
    I don't know who they will get to replace him when he finally retires -probably have to drive 70 km to Burin.

  5. The mind boggles at the scene in the bedroom as the suppository did its stuff. Doctors must have a lot of very funny tales to tell, so often do they see humanity in extremis.

  6. Goodness, I hope it didn't block out the light. Get well soon.

  7. I do hope you are collecting these stories? This one's a gem.

    Hope you'll soon feel better.

  8. Hope the antibiotics do their job quickly for you and leave you fit as a flea again for all your doings.

    My goodness, but your doc is talkative- it's difficult to get a friendly word out of ours.
    Lovely story - I could smell it from here!

  9. That story is disgusting but impossible to forget.
    Get well soon, anyhow.

  10. I hope the antibiotic is doing the trick WWW.

    The poop story is hilarious.I think doctors have a boat load of them that they pass among themselves.

  11. I can sure commiserate with that experience as I have to take care to not let eustachian tube become blocked (will result in balance and worse problems.) Most importantly, to act early so infection doesn't set in as permanent hearing damage can occur, so do take care.

    Sounds like that Dr. has a books worth of stories. That one was a real blow-out!


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