Tuesday, December 23, 2014
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." - Hamlet.
There are so few people to run to when your heart breaks. At least for me.
My first thought, like a homing pigeon, was my sister. And she's out, wherever, whatever, 'tis the season.
Then my best friend.
Crazy that last thought. For my heart breaks for her. I can't run to her anymore. Or she to me.
I haven't written about her in a while. I wanted to live in my fantasy world where all would be well and she would be miraculously cured and we'd be back to the world of our daily emails with our lives laid bare to each other.
I had a long conversation with her husband today.
And it's dreadful news indeed.
The waiting game has started.
A tiny part of me knew this but I'd look at her picture on my wall and say: "Not you. Never you."
"Her life was writ so large!" said her husband a few hours ago.
Yes, it was. Like yesterday, I can still recall her running beside me as I biked home from school. In our over 65 years of friendship I don't recall us once having a fight or disagreement. We traded clothes and boyfriends and would comfort each other in the early losses of our mothers. We acted on stage together. We sang together. And on. Far, far too much.
So here I am blogging.
I don't feel there is anywhere else to turn to at the moment.