My friend, who is so ill and looking at the final exit door has a huge challenge tomorrow. I keep thinking about it. My friend is nearly 70 and her parents are still alive and she has to tell them, face to face, she is dying. She wasn't going to. She had intended to have her brother break it to them when she'd passed as she is highly sensitive to prolonging pain for them. But her brother is, as he always has been, a complete and utter jerk. Oh, the stories I could tell you.
Her parents are on their way from the seniors' complex in Ottawa to Toronto where D**** is in hospital.
I can't truly imagine what this is going to be like. She's very close to her father particularly, and he will be devastated. I met her parents a few times back in the day. A spry and fun couple, her dad one of those enthusiastic jokesters interested in everyone and everything. Much like her. The news may just about kill them. Seriously.
And my own previously unimaginable scenario? Planning a dinner here in my house for Daughter, her father and his wife.
Strange times indeed.
What to do with our feelings?
ReplyDeleteI am so sad to think of the sorrow of this life-loving family.
it's their vulnerable age really Hattie, can you imagine living so long and then finding out your daughter will not outlive you?
DeleteThe incredible pain of it all.
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They will be devastated, but might they also be grateful for some time with her? I'd want to know and I'd want to be there....
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to tell, everyone is so different. I would prefer to know and just hold her to the other side......
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She is giving them a chance to say goodbye and whatever they might regret not saying, after she is gone. Hard as it is, I would rather have the whole truth than find out afterward, when it's too late. But the telling is impossibly painful too. It's a no-win situation, isn't it, but she really is doing the kindest thing, I think.
ReplyDeleteMe too SJG, me too. But I hang a very big BUT on it. She really felt (and I respected that) it was prolonging their agony. And there's also a terrible secret she plans to tell them. I hope they have to strength at 94 and 93 to withstand it all.
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I think deciding to tell them is the hardest thing. It is always better to do the harder thing and when she is doing it, love will see her through.
ReplyDeleteI sure am hoping so, Jan. it would be so very hard on her if they broke down.
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Is that a dinner for exhusband
ReplyDeleteif so
brave and kind you....
Yes it will be, we are quite civilised with each other though we went through a savage divorce. Water under and all that now.
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they will be devastated, as no parent should out live their children.
ReplyDeleteYes, Gill they will be and at their age too facing their own exit doors. Unbearable.
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All I can say is, I hope her parents don't take it too badly. But sometimes people can be more resilient than you expect them to be.
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for the news. Her health took a very bad turn last night :(
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ReplyDeleteOne of those odd scenarios, eh? Your child gets to 70 and you're still here. Can't imagine it, I'm 70, and oldest is 40, not very likely. But still, facing the death of a child must be the worst thing imaginable, at any age. I don't want to even contemplate it.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to them.
I'm glad you liked my B&W's.
Your B&W shots are incredible SFM. A different look at the past.
DeleteA very odd scenario indeed with both parents still alive.
Fingers crossed it went OK today, she has taken a downturn.
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Oh My.....what a sad post with all this happening in your world. My son died in January so I know what these parents will be going through. God bless them.
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I think that you are a remarkable person. Don't change.
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