I remember reading a book a long time ago by a psychiatrist. I was really into personal development and improvement then. I gave that up a long time ago when I realized my own journey is unique and can't be based on any guru blowing off about his or her life experience and encouraging others to follow in the same footsteps. Well no, that would be merely a distraction. I follow my own path, read Tao in the mornings and reject or embrace any suggestions.
But I digress. That book I read was summarized as follows:
Why do we all behave as if we have 200 years to live?
For of course we don't. And we delude ourselves constantly.
For instance: Middle aged?
Most put middle age as between 50 and 60 and even higher.
But the average lifespan in Canada is 82.30 years. (US is only 78)
So truly middle age is 41 in Canada and only 39 in the US.
Imagine those turning 40 announcing they are now middle-aged!
So what is old age?
Most of my friends died between the ages of 52 and 70. From various causes. So let's say the average age of death in my circle (and I believe it was wider than 'normal') is 61, depending on the number of friends one has it could be higher. (So their middle age was 30+ )
So old age, to me, generously, would be anything over the 3 score and 10 meaning 70+.
Extreme old age would be 80+.
I have 4-1/2 years to get there, if I do. And I bear in mind disability and other challenges happen out of the blue. Three people I know now have dementia in different stages.
So what am I going to do with these last
What are you doing?
I assume here that my readers are all past middle age - meaning over 40. And many, like myself, have health challenges.
What am I doing? I'm just enjoying all my favourite activities, which I can indulge in to my heart's content being now retired. Reading, listening to music, walking, blogging, my monthly book club etc. And as you know we're also taking holidays in unfamiliar places like New Zealand and the Canadian Maritimes. I hope that rather than having to curtail some of these activities through medical misfortune, I just die suddenly and that's that.
ReplyDeleteYou are very privileged, Nick, but having known you for as long as I have I think you are aware of that.
DeleteI am forming an activist group at the moment to fight for senior women, many living in abysmal poverty (some homeless) with no hope of having a decent meal before their cheque arrives at the end of the month.
I too, am very aware of my own privilege but I will fight to the death for those less fortunate. It is heartbreaking how senior women are treated after a life time of devotion to kitchen and kinder - often raising their grandchildren too. Unpaid emotional labour.
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I am muddling along. I realised some time ago I could have a life or I could have an existence. Life costs more, hurts more and is worth more.
ReplyDeleteSo no going gently into that last night for me...
I'm the same EC, I could sit back and relax but it's not in my nature when I see so much suffering out there. I'm aware I'm legacy working but that is OK.
DeleteI think I'm barging into that last night :)
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I still feel middleaged at 58. I think having young children keeps you young. But of caourse, old age will be upon me some day soon. I'll just go on, mothering, riding my bike, tending my garden, plant dyeing, woodworking, learning languages, reading and writing ... and having fun.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a woman after my own heart, Uglemor. I was talking more chronologically rather than "feeling" i.e. in time left realistically. Thinking we have so much more time than we actually do.
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Living up to your name with very wise words. At 62 I feel late middle aged. For many men 40 means a weight gain, reading glasses and the loss of the ability to sprint for a distance, unless they exercise. 50 brings on a danger of high blood pressure and sugar levels start to be monitored. 60, a deterioration of skin and the ability to heal quickly from a cut or bruise and the decade is when things start to go wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true, Andrew, I was running until 70 and then a bad fall and deterioration of my physical being and all the list you mentioned is now happening to me too.
DeleteA dear blog friend tells me that 78 is when it really starts to go wrong for women. Not sure about the male age for that but I do believe it is younger. Several of my male buddies started going downhill at 73 - joints, BP, blood sugars.
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All that you say is true, but nevertheless I'm going with the idea that 70 is the new 60!
ReplyDeleteWe all have our delusions, I think that was my point LOL. But living in our remaining years (chronological) with a sense of urgency might help us enjoy them more, if we're able.
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Like Nick, though not retired, I'm taking each day as it comes and doing everything I can to appreciate it. I'm not chasing down new adventures or wallowing too often in nostalgia, but just really really loving where I live and the freedom I have to enjoy it right now. Things may and probably will change, and there are and will always be challenges, but I try not to think much about the possibilities and eventualities because doing that does me no good. I don't know how to prepare or plan in any practical ways for the maybes and likelies. I can only remind myself how lucky I am to be alive and well right now, and try not to be anxious about the future. Old age (if I'm fortunate) and death will come and I'll offer them my friendship. I see no point in fighting old age or hating it. It's weird, I'll grant you that! So weird to see my face now and to feel tired earlier (but then I get up earlier than I used to, too) and have a smaller appetite and all that, and unfamiliar twinges and causeless aches. WEIRD I tell ya! Talk to me again in 20 years. -Kate, just turned 60
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 60 Kate. It seems I've known you a long time now. The older I get the more time out for reflection I take and I put these weird thoughts on the blog for others to share and reflect too. Death I will welcome, I'm not afraid of it, it will be great to get a good long rest without pee breaks and bones reminding me of their positions.
DeleteJust wondering about the best use of my, say, 60 months left. It doesn't sound like too much and so many great things call me.
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I am well aware of the waning years. Terry's heart surgery in October brought us both up short, in that he could no longer do all the things he had done and more was thrust upon me. I don't do tasks and chores very well.
ReplyDeleteAll that said, we are striving each day to stay as healthy as possible, knowing that each day is bringing us closer to the end. The days fly by, which really annoys me. Why didn't time go this fast when I was working? We do the things that we enjoy, mainly in the community.
I wish we could see our grandchildren more, but they live three hours away and travel is something I like less and less. I really like the comfort of my own home.
I'm like you DKZ, my fall made my own fallibility up close and personal and changed everything including my health. Yes time truly races, Sunday blurs over into the following Friday and I never have enough time to cram everything in. But I prefer it this way rather than so many I see bored out of their trees watching their worlds shrink.
DeleteI love being home too. I absolutely adore my apartment.
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I've always subscribed to "Age is only a number!". I've come up against and surmounted many life threatening illnesses and accidents, all of which put me in the gym, working like hell to return to my old life--and succeeding. I felt badly for people who encountered the same adversities and just could not overcome that last one. This past summer, on the way into my balance class, I fell and broke the bones straight up my right side. Back in a rehab facility, learning to walk for the fourth time, and only one of them being childhood, I became old. My maternal grandmother made one hundred, my mother just made seventy-nine, and I was seventy-six today, and wonder. In the meantime (and in between time), I will continue what makes me happy: friends and my loom.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a survivor Joanne and I am such an admirer of your attitude. Art and creativity of any kind saves our sanity I believe, in times of challenge. I know it saved mine. And I put blog writing in that category as I learn so much about the aging (and dying) process from blog buddies who willingly share their journeys.
DeleteI became old the day I had a bad fall on the ice and was concussed and in pain for quite a while and my body fell apart. It seemed like overnight. I've never been the same since. A long story with many components.
Suffice to say, I look forward with a thrill to every day still given to me and there are wonderful surprises in each hour if we look for them in the birds and spring growth and the movement in the waters.
Keep moving, my dear old dad used to say, and death has a hard time finding you.
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I feel that the only significant thing I have done is raise children. I'm unsure what else will happen. I would like to see a lot more trees in Sydney but I'm not really able to plant them. I hope to help some more couples (or singles) through their pregnancy/ birth year.
ReplyDeleteI have a sense there is something coming up for me but what it will be and when I have no idea......
I knew my body would let me down at a young age and my efforts to do things before that happened were thwarted to a large extent but life goes how it goes, right?
Yes Kylie, the key is acceptance really and working on that, it can take a while. Having something to look forward to helps as well. My father used to say that a lot. It kept him going.
DeleteIt keeps me going.
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Are you 4 1/2 years away from 70 or 80? I'm 66 1/2 and don't feel at all old most of the time and if I remember right, most of my mother's family seems to live to 80+ with my grandmother dying at 96, so I think I've got a fair way to go still. I suppose I could call myself middle-aged by now. My mother died at 78, but she had cancer. I'm mostly healthy, just have a bit of arthritis in most joints, plus high blood pressure which I take tablets for and high cholesterol, which I also take tablets for and avoid high-fat foods, such as pastries and ice cream.
ReplyDeleteOh from 80 River. My mother died young from cancer, my dad died after driving himself to the hospital with a pain in his chest at 84. I feel it will be my heart that gets me. I could be wrong.
DeleteI take many pills, my BP is an ongoing concern.
I try and avoid the bad foods :)
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Well I wrote a comment a while ago but it sort of went...pouff...into cyber air. So I'll try again- if I remember what I wrote lol
ReplyDelete80+ (85 in some cases) seems to be the number I have to aim for. So between 3.5 and 8.5 years is what I have left. 76 last October...no idea where all those years went...apart from a couple of really painful ones not long ago they've been good uns.
Old is a word that doesn't enter my mind or even vocabulary. I might have a few more lines on my face than I did 20 years ago - it's not stress that's given me them, just my genes and living my life out in the sun!
How am I going to spend my days - same as before, maybe not traveling as far from home (Australia as opposed to o/s) definitely not sweating the small stuff, having fun living loving and laughing.
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Cathy
Well you have a few months on me Cathy. I am so curious as to what others are doing, living consciously or unconsciously. I chalk a little slogan for each month on a tiny blackboard I have. This month it's "Every breath I take" which reminds me to stay in the now and to cherish it and extend it and stop whinging about the requirements my specialists put on me about all those effing BP readings and GI tests I have to take 3 times a day. And just be grateful they are so involved in my care as I need to be :)
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According to StatsCan I retired 13 years ago (my last officially paid job) but it seems a lifetime ago. I am content to be my chronological age, I kinda like being "old". I did a lot of interesting things in my youth, sometimes regret I didn't do more, but no strong desire to be out there setting new records now. I know how close I am to losing treasured physical abilities so I try to "use 'em up" before I start regretting even more stuff I didn't do. My parents never saw 80, I may not either.
ReplyDeleteGood philosophy Annie. My mother never saw past mid fifties left a 13 yo daughter. My dad was 84. Great gran fell down the stairs of her own house when she heard the kettle boil at 98 and broke her neck.
ReplyDeleteIt's a crap shoot basically. I still work a bit as you know, but try not to take anything on that bleeds me too much.
I too need to celebrate the abilities I have and do my best not to focus on the aches and pains :)
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Cute cartoon. I go by the actuarial tables at Social Security. According to Social Security, I am supposed to die at age 88 (15 years from now). That sounds like such a young age, when you consider my mother lived to 99. But, I am glad that I won't die sooner than 88.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that Gigi I hope you live to a ripe extreme old age like that blogger who died just shy of his 100th birthday. I followed him for years.
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Holy crap...preparing to die shortly...what to do.
ReplyDeleteExactly as I am sounds good to me. I try to do what I want , when I want ,and how I want. Time to be ,what some would say is selfish. I do think that I am the only one who will take care of me like someone should.
Good philosophy on self care there GP. I've been struggling with medical instructions like a stubborn child.
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I enjoy being able to take care of myself. I enjoy life and the living of it now. So many things are beautiful, makes me feel good to enjoy seeing them. I enjoy being happy with myself.
DeleteI am glad to read all that is going on with you and your thoughts. Glad that others share how they are getting by as well. Thank you.
Thanks Gemma. I'm having one of those days today when all is right with my world and I am not procrastinating. I wish they were all like that but I grab them and french kiss them to the ground when they happen!
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I read your sharing and the comments
ReplyDeleteSo what do I say.
At 70 built my cottage, all through 70's, loved working outside and now that is over. At 79 arthritis attacking me along with other issues.
7 weeks ago a heart attack, trips in ambulance as blood pressure
250 and now is normal. Do not like what has happened but have so much to be thankful for. This one, the healthy one is now trying to
gain 10bs :) One day at a time, back on computer, reading using camera but much I will not return too. Son here from Thailand for a month, lucky me. We all have our stories and my past so good
except for a divorce at 40, enough shared.
Oh Ernestine you don't know how good you make ME feel when you share. Your struggles in the past while have been immense and I am so very happy your son is staying with you and you share your story. I count the things I can do now and my motto for the month is "Every breath I take".
DeleteWorking on lowering that old BP of mine and eating healthfully - you have been such an inspiration for that!
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I crossed the three score and ten some years ago and am well on the way to the 80th, assuming that I will last that long. I too have health issues but, that does not prevent me from having the best time that I can under the circumstances, doing things within the limits of my limitations. I am now ready to go and only pray for death that will not be of trouble to either me or those around me.
ReplyDeleteYou'd better not die before me Ramana, we go waaaaay back. But acceptance is the key, truly, to our many limitations these days and working with what we have.
DeleteI take such joy in my African Violets today, watching each new blossom. I call them the three sisters.
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Like your take on personalizing aging. Coincidentally, I had just been reviewing labels assigned to varying age groups based on most recent recognized studies. Thought at the time with the variations it’s sorta choose your own label. I’m aware of life expectancies but don’t give them much thought. I just keep plugging along and then one of these days I won’t, but could be —— when?
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