I do wonder why I say "yes" sometimes. It sounds fabulous at the time, can you do such and such, can you speak, can you perform, can you sing, we'd like you to......
The immediate reaction of course is self-flattery, a complacence almost (ahem, seriously, I'm that good!) followed by terror, self flagellation, endless streams of internal criticism, fear, anxiety, a search for a believable bailout of the commitment and on it goes.
Oddly enough I don't have the same kind of fear when speaking about my personal addiction recovery journey, reading from my work, singing in my now shaky tenor voice or performing a set piece.
But this latest is a talk on my life, my journey from Ireland to Canada and my own life lessons, highlights and struggles and darkness, until finding myself and my long buried spirit on the Edge of the Atlantic in Newfoundland.
To reflect on my life is an interesting journey when it comes to an audience. I can be funny, but not forced funny, it usually happens spontaneously. So much has to do with the audience. I can always "feel" a room or a hall or a theatre. Warmth, chill, approval, judgement. I remember speaking once to a hall full of men, middle aged men. They all sat with their arms folded across their chests, waiting, watchful, grim, as I faltered and stuttered in the arctic atmosphere. I remember speaking to a crowd who loved me from the moment I said hello and howled and applauded at every word I uttered while I glowed and plumbed a wit I wasn't aware was in me. And all in between.
And yes, I'm preserving my anonymity on the poster though I know a few of my readers know my full name. So today I am working on the speech and along the way someone will record me and maybe, if it's anyway decent, I'll put it on here on a podcast.
And yes, it's a thrill, to be given a chance to share my life story from a completely different angle, so to speak.
Meanwhile throw the odd kind thought my way.
I would love to be there. Please, if you can, let us hear your speech.
ReplyDeleteThanks Carolyn, will do if it's anyway good at all.
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Good for you and I hope you have an audience to make you glow!
ReplyDeleteThank you Annie, this is definitely the maiden speech of my emigration, I've done it in snippets but never in bulk so to speak.
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I would love to hear it too!
ReplyDeleteThank you CM, I do hope it will be taped and uploaded if halfway decent.
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That sounds like an interesting speech. I can't come, it's just too far, but I hope you have a good day and a brilliant audience.
ReplyDeleteThank you Uglemore for your kind thoughts.
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I see all the snippets rushing together like iron filings to a magnet. The Benevolent Irish Society will love you.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, it's tempting to make a play on the obvious word here but I won't. We can chuckle.
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The one I had to leave alone was Benevolent Irish Society. From a one hundred percent half Irish girl, I wonder why it's not Irish Benevolent Society. If you inquire and learn, it may be a fine post.
DeleteI think they got it wrong when it was founded 200 years ago to serve the indigent Irish. I mean I was born there, we are far from benevolent *grin*.
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Sounds quite grand. I'm sure you will make a rousing talk.
ReplyDeleteThank you DKZ, I sure hope so though "rousing" is a little beyond me now methinks.
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I am filled with admiration for anyone who can do this. I couldn't possibly give any kind of speech in front of who-knows-how-many people. I run off the stage quicker than the roadrunner getting away from the coyote.
ReplyDeleteI had such a desire to perform as a teenager that I forced myself, feel the fear and do it anyway kind of thing. And as life went by it got a little easier. Imagining a resistant audience in purple underwear helps - a trick a performer taught me.
DeleteBut I totally understand running for the hills.
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Wish I could hear your speech. Since that's not possible I'm sending lots of good wishes for a warm receptive audience.
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Thank you Genie!
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I once spoke to an audience of women who I could not crack. It was deflating to say the least.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a great audience and a grand experience in general
It's horrible isn't it Kylie, I remember stumbling on with those hard faced men but the clincher came at the end when one of the guys came up to me with a tape and asked how to spell my last name as they wanted to archive the talk.
DeleteSweet Jeebus, I thought, I never want to hear it as I raced out declining coffee and chat.
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A whole bath tub full of kind thoughts coming your way.
ReplyDeleteBreak a leg!
Thank you so much Friko!
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I never was good at speaking. I am a shrinking wall flower if you ask me. Glad you have the courage to speak at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gigi, but you play the violin and I do hope you perform publicly with it one day :)
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Hope we can hear it!
ReplyDeleteI understand the stepping up to do this. I often say yes (of course I can do it!) and then have nightmares. But I have learned that I seem to have few regrets for having done something but many for not doing something. Life is short and so I say yes.
Yes Mary that's what they say - we only regret the things we never do. I believe it.
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It'll be great! Once, when I was just married, 22 years old and new to the US, the teachers at the school where I was teaching asked if I could give a talk about Ireland. I was terrified and found some/any excuse not to. At this point in my life I wouldn't be so terrified having learnt along the way that I'm not actually the center of the universe and people are not as critical as I once expected everyone to be! Not to mention that I grew up somewhere along the way. I would love to hear your talk and hope you'll share it with us! Good luck, you're going to wow them.
ReplyDeleteThank you Molly, I used to be a very shy person until someone a long time ago said to me: "There's no such word as shy. It's just a kinder word for self-centred." True or not, it stuck with me. And has helped me along the way to share my journey and light the lamp kind of thing. And PS I'd love to hear your story too!
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I fully expect, WWW, that "The Room" is gonna love you! Looking forward to that podcast! Warmest wishes for many waves of applause and hoots of appreciation. :)
ReplyDeleteAh thank you T. I wish all my fellow bloggers would sit in that front row and beam at me. I'd be spectacular. As it is, well, fingers crossed.
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Ah, WWW - just picture us all there no matter who shows up and know that you have a very appreciative audience right here!
DeleteI admire the fact that you are able to give such public talks. I've never given a talk of that kind. It must be a wonderful feeling when you get a totally responsive audience, and a dreadful feeling when the audience are like lumps of rock. I hope you can make a podcast of your talk, I'd be very interested.
ReplyDeleteThank you Nick. It is a total high when there is a responsive audience and like a belly full of uncooked cold porridge when they are resistant or judgmental. You want to throw up but can't. Horrible.
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"A resistant audience in purple underwear" - very good!
ReplyDeleteI send you lots of kind thoughts and a big bravo too. I have had many opportunities to share my life story primarily among alumni during get-togethers. I may have just got away with all that due to it being a captive audience and my being the second most senior member of the alumni association here. That I held some important positions in business helped of course.
ReplyDeleteI believe there's either receptive warmth or there isn't. One can't predict, truly when it comes to people who are not associated by any common link. I doubt if there will be another emigrant in my audience but who knows, I may meet some new friends.
DeleteAnd business talks were highly formulaic when I gave them, very scripted. Fact based. Not at all emotional and soul baring.
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Dear WWW,
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts and best wishes are coming your way from here. As I was reading , I thought it would be nice to record it and put it out there were we could listen to you. Reading on you mentioned it. Please do that , if you can. Your blog is very interesting and your story would be intriguing to me.
Good luck! You will do great, these people are coming to see you of their own free will. Sounds as if the men were forced to be there. And ,oh, men are hard headed in some cases.
Thank you Gemma, very encouraging! Yes, they will want to be there, you are right, unless dragged by friends or partners, LOL.
DeleteBreathe. Tape. Yes!
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Sure would like to be in that audience and hope you do post a podcast.
ReplyDeleteI recently agreed to a request to be a member of a three-part-harmony group; the catch was that we had to perform, as at least one of the other two women doesn't want to sing together unless someone else will hear it. After a couple days of remembering how little I enjoy singing "for" others as opposed to "with" others, I reneged on my commitment. Why put myself through it? I thought. Yes the practices would give me joy. But upcoming "performances" ruin everything for me. I'm glad there are people who enjoy that part! I'm not one though. -Kate
Wow Kate, I know some people hate performing but I would have thought just being together in harmony would satisfy all participants and if it were to grow organically so be it, another decision to be made. I understand someone so keen to go public would take all the joy away for you. Too bad.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind thoughts.
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I'm not a performer, but I do know from my years as an adjunct professor how much the mood of the audience (class) can affect your speech. So I hope you get a great, friendly crowd!
ReplyDeleteGawd me too SAW, getting more nervous as I review my index cards tonight, anxious not to forget anything, wondering why I am feeling so unfunny at the moment.
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Oh yes! Please post! I'd love to hear your speech. Hoping for a congenial audience and a satisfying performance :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Pauline, I wish I were as gifted as you at the poetry of your "I am". How powerful is that?
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Consider the kind thought thrown your way. I imagine we all wish we were sitting in your audience.
ReplyDeleteI was testing the recording thingie on my device, so if I can figure out how to transfer it to here (hey huge techno jump!) and it is intelligible I will do so. I'm working on avoiding the umming at the mo. Easier said than done!
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