On the other side (not me but I have some friends who are) are the well burnished flirty specimens, the no-fooling-anyone reddish auburn blondish permed hair, blue eye makeup, orange matte makeup, painted eyebrows, prickly mascara, whoa - there's a whole lot of effort involved. I am in awe of it and please don't think for a second I mock it.
These women fall apart when there's a single man or two in the room. The whole tenor of social interaction changes as if a switch has been pulled. Now that, I have a hard time with. I am embarrassed for them. I feel men are ripped off too. They see these women simpering and posing and oh-my-ing and they think, I'm sure, that these are representative of women as a whole. And unfortunately these are the women who appeal as mates. All intelligent conversation ceases and at that stage, I for one make excuses and leave.
I love the freedom this age gives me. I love that I can chat to men of any age as if they are as human and intelligent and sentient as I am and we can have coffee or a meal without any batting of eyes or hidden agendas. I resigned from the mating game a long, long time ago. I have never felt more me in my life. Not performing to any expectation of others. Authentic. Real to myself.
I was looking at an acquaintance on FB the other day who has been on the hunt, so to speak, for as long as I've known her. She must have gone through 5 or 6 potential partners after being widowed twice and finally found The One and they have a diamond and she has a sparkly red dress and new blonde hair and long ruby nails and a look of such triumph as she gazes upwards into his eyes and I am glad for her that all that high maintenance was worth it for however long she has left as she is a wee bit older than I.
What now? I silently ask her. Will it be happily ever after? Was it worth it?
PS Image is from the Drew Carey Show.
If Terry dies before me, I will not be on the hunt for another husband. I wasn't on the hunt when I met him, having no plan of ever getting married. I'm pretty sure there is no other man out there who would be willing to put up with my shenanigans.
ReplyDeleteAnd you with his, no doubt, DKZ, I've tried a few times since my divorce but the effort seems way more than the payoff and I think I'm lucky in that I make male friends easily. Even young 'uns
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I know what I would do/have done since I was divorced at age 30. I read, though, the current generations are postponing marriage due to debt. They even eschew marriage but carry on with families. I find that so interesting. Back to the topic, I know women of both persuasions, Must Have Mate; Love to Enjoy Life. Knowing the amount of time it takes to be perfectly made up, I know I judge the former harshly. How many good books they've missed, concerts, life experiences, etc. On the other hand, well done makeup is an art form, so little seen. No, I pick the latter, as anyone can plainly see.
ReplyDeleteYes it requires training to do a presentable female for the male gaze, contouring is now a thing too. My BFF, and I adored her - she has now passed, went to bed with makeup off and woke up before her husband to re-apply the "slap". I would giggle with her about it, she always viewed me as her "hippy" friend and would brag to others about how the men would fall all over me and never her with all the makeup. I miss her so much.
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I recognised Drew Carey and Mimi. I'm so glad I was never really "into" makeup and all that goes along with the daily painting of the face, or "putting on my face" as some women say. There are some women who dare not be seen in public without makeup. If I were a man, I think I'd prefer to see the real woman instead of the painted version, at least a few times. Some of them must get a bit of a shock when the woman washes off the face each night.
ReplyDeleteThey take it off and turn off the lights and then get up early, see response to JN above. So much work and for what. To protect the men from the *horror* of their real skin, their freckles, the evidence of laugh lines well earned?
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I quite like women with subtle makeup, but I also like women with really trashy makeup, a la Dolly Parton.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite an interesting post. But no girlfriend. I know men.
"I love the freedom this age gives me. I love that I can chat to men of any age as if they are as human and intelligent and sentient as I am"
They will be chatting to you in an intelligent manner and with the most respect, but do you know what they are thinking about in the back of their heads about an older woman?
Men are truly incorrigible.
I'd like to think not all men Andrew. And maybe as one of my male friends has it, there is always an underlying element of what if to it all. Who knows. I have had that odd fleeting thought myself.
DeleteYou have to think to yourself, why do you like women in makeup?
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I tick all the boxes for the first category: grey hair, unpolished nails etc.
ReplyDeleteI think I would like a partner but not if I have to bother with "maintenance" and fakery.
A true soul mate in other words, I would have liked that too but field research (and oh how much!) did not yield a result that I could live with. I am impossible.
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Apart from being a member of the opposite sex, I am also from a vastly different culture. We don't have such opportunities. I have been widowed now for over ten years and not once has anyone tried to hit on me! And, I believe that I am very eligible too!! AND, I have not tried to hit on anyone either.
ReplyDeleteTruly Ramana? I have very rarely "hit" on a man. Maybe 2 or 3 times when the attraction was immense but never, oh hang on here, yes I did with a member of my cast when we had a touring theatre troupe. But hit would be too strong a word, I consciously spent time with him, a lovely man, good looking and my age but honestly? I truly believe now he was a closet gay. Oh well. Gay men appeal to me far more than straight and I should have figured this out with him. Even tho he was quite macho in appearance, LOL. We are still friends tho.
DeleteThis is beginning to sound like true confessions. I'll stop now.
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Speaking from the other side ... I'm a Must Have Mate. (Married for 29 years, single for one year, long-term relationship then married ever since.) But at least I don't have to paint my nails!
ReplyDeleteHey Tom, yes and you both seem quite content and operate independently of each other at times which is wonderful. You are one of the luckies. But I also believe as my Granny would say, that there has to be a stocking looking for an old shoe and vice versa.
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I learned many years ago that it's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person and as for beauty...true beauty comes from within. I've never worn make-up, etc. Why start now? Each time I pull into handicapped parking I always say either out loud or silently "Being beautiful is a handicap" lol
ReplyDeleteI like that, Mildred. It can be, there are higher expectations on those that are beautiful. Personally I love the saying:
DeleteIf you put one pant leg into a boot and leave the other one out, people don't expect too much from you.
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I know what you mean. I did do a bit of making up my face but only when I went out at night as lighting could wash out features. Makeup was for the stage and footlights and before that the gals patrolling the streets from my point of view. I was never on the hunt, unlike many of my friends, and had reservations before I finally acquiesced to permanent coupledom. I’m quite content as is, since becoming a widow after 47 years over a decade ago. A partner as a buddy now could be fine, however, but you keep your place and I’ll keep mine. I do endulge in eyebrow pencil otherwise those brows have seemed to disappear. Comfort is definitely the name of the game for me when it comes to attire, though that was pretty much so always — except decades ago when I when I had to go along with the style of those d——- pointed toe heels. Recent years the gross platform clod hoppers I’ve seen appear even more ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention the damage inflicted by stilettos. I often take a step back and look at those teetering and think: JFC, I did that in my younger days. A form of madness and I see the evidence on the bunioned feet of older friends who stuck to it longer than I did.
DeleteWe criticize the Chinese for binding feet but we did a fine job on it ourselves.
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I do the whole makeup thing, mainly b/c it makes me feel better. (I am quite the sight without it.) I am divorced almost a year now, and it's hard...I see no future with anyone in it. I'm 56, and it seems like a hard age to be alone. And although I was "alone" for a long, long time in a truly awful marriage, I must admit it would be lovely to find someone. My contemporaries push online dating but the chances of me doing that are nil. I guess I will have to wait for my Prince Charming to come knocking at my door.♣
ReplyDeleteElle I did a mad form of that in my early fifties, a last big long swing at the cat so to speak. It was exhausting. Daughters called me the Dating Queen. I found myself thinking most of the time that I would have preferred to be at home with a good book or with girlfriends having a great conversation.
DeleteI'm a firm believer now that if it's meant to be it will happen and I don't have to go looking for it.
Since being at a talk on the masks we wear, whether make up or performance or behaviours, it had me looking at myself more clearly. I click far better with people, both men and women, who see the real me and respond. Many are so superficial. And I am hopeless at small talk.
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If my husband dies before I do, I doubt I'll ever remarry. Impossible.
ReplyDeleteYou found yourself a good one there, Gigi, so supportive and loving it would be hard to arrange a repeat :)
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At 80 I'd look pretty silly in more makeup than a dab of powder on a shiny nose and a dash of nude pink lipstick, so I stick with that. When I used foundation, mascara, eyeliner years ago, it was always for me - not for any male. I do like men though, but have never been what I (or they) would call "sexy". I've liked men as friends always and have,for some reason, found it easier to be friends with men than with women - just me being odd; sensitive to veiled criticism from other females, I guess (present company excepted!).
ReplyDeleteI have a mix of male and female friends. I sometimes wonder at my female friends who evaluate my surroundings rather than me. It happened yesterday when a drop-in noticed I had added a small island in my kitchen (a bargain on the previous weekend from an online local used furniture site) and couldn't stop talking about it, wanting every detail as to who had brought it over and how much it cost and was it heavy, etc. I don't know why it irritated me so much but it did.
DeleteI had to have a long look at that and realize she irritates me in other ways too. And yes she wears blue eye shadow and falls apart when there's a man around, a complete personality change.
But mainly my favourite friends, male and female are about ideas and personal development rather than "stuff".
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Having been raised in a religion where makeup, nail polish (even clear!) and jewelry were seen as sinful adornment I've never been comfortable wearing makeup, or jewelry. I cast off the grim religion in early adulthood, but have always been most comfortable as the plain old unadorned me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read that Americans (don't know the Canadian figure) spend $13 BILLION a year on MAKEUP I just about lost it. That amount of money would take your pick: 1) feed every starving person in the world 2) provide clean water for every person in the world. Dirty water sickens or kills millions of people around the world, including people in Canada. 3) provide medical care for those in the Third World. 4) provide shelter for every homeless person and family in North America.
As a culture the West has become so incredibly self-centred, and our feelings of entitlement run so deep that we have lost any feelings of compassion for those who suffer, whether they are in our midst, and try to cover their pain with makeup, they starve in the midst of plenty, or they starve in the midst of disaster.
Aiii, okay. I have a migraine and I get all soapboxey when I have a migraine. I'll jump down now and go on my way. I'll go stand under a hot shower and see if that helps.