This has to be one of the more serious challenges in life, right?
I believe we have to run slamming into the wall of ourselves before we shake our heads, metaphorically concussed,and have one blinding flash of a moment when we realize: I have to change.
And how painful is changing?
I can only speak for myself of course. Even though I hear about others' moments of enlightenment. I'm not a believer in self help tomes whatsoever. We are all on our own unique journeys but I do believe that listening to others can light a little spark in ourselves.
I am self-destructive by nature. I've had the therapy, I've crossed the Rubicon a few times, I've been part of support teams for yonks.I can't say it's a constant battle not to fall into the pit of multiple addictions again, but ageing (bless it!) is quite a benefit to people like me. I also hang (now virtually) with some long time recovered addicts.
But other habits creep back in. Poor daily living management. Especially during the pandemic where normal checks and measures are not in place. Add winter to this, a solitary life, and I had unconsciously sunk pretty low.
My "wall" was Daughter calling me yesterday with a list of phone numbers. She had been concerned about me on Saturday when we were together. I had no energy, was close to fainting a few times and was basically shrugging all this off as "normal" for me. My new normal. Slithering in under the door. I remembered a friend who was so sick and couldn't move anywhere, calmly sliding an office chair under her butt and navigating through her home on the chair, stopping every few spins for breath. For a couple of weeks. The new normal until a friend dropped in and called an ambulance and she nearly died in ICU. Mini-strokes and pneumonia.
The numbers Daughter gave me (after an intensive government search and communications) were for an occupational health assessment and a social worker.
It takes me a while to process change. I know I have to. But after her call, I had one of those blinding moments. This sedentary life, Covid or not, is killing me. And incidentally stressing Daughter out who sees me far more clearly than I see myself.
How will I turn it around, if ever? (Rhetorical question).
Good luck.
ReplyDeleteAnd huge thanks to your daughter for dragging you to this point.
I had a chat with her today, EC, thanking her for her courage in performing all the right steps in making me more aware of the pit I had sunk into. I will climb into the saddle of her suggestions.
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Thanks to your daughter for noticing and speaking up, and good for you for not dismissing her concerns. -Kate
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate. This new navigation needs a new compass evidently.
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Good on ya for not telling your daughter to mind her own business.......and good on ya for realising that what she was telling you was necessary.......
ReplyDeleteThanks Cathy, I have infinite faith in Daughter and Niece who have absolutely no hidden agendas and are only looking out for my wellbeing.
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Good that your daughter was concerned about you enough to look up those phone numbers. Hopefully they will prove useful.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, an over-sedentary lifestyle is not at all healthy. That needs to change!
Absolutely Nick but I have been quick to offer myself internal excuses, pain, mobility, giving up.
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I know a 26 year old who has barely left her apartment, let her car registration lapse, lost her work from home job and almost died of pneumonia because she just hasn't moved enough.
ReplyDeleteIt was shocking to me but highlights how quickly a person can deteriorate with inadequate self care.
Our health and ability disappears in small steps and we don't know what we've lost.
I'm glad you have people watching out for you, with their help you'll manage this change
Thanks for this Kylie, it's exactly what happens, I was just adapting to the insidious changes, not really aware of them, to the outside world - what limited one I have, mainly zoom, I was just the same.
DeleteI am so grateful Daughter did what she did and I thanked her again today for seizing the bull by the horns.
I am slowly making changes. Slow is the way. Subtlety.
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I am dumbstruck, reading your account, and some here in the comments. It has not occurred to me we have become sedentary, but we have. And how easily. I hope you take advantage of all the work your daughter has put in.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely going to do that Joanne, and already started moving, moving. Day 3 of change, all manageable and not punitive. I will write more about it as I go forward.
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I have also become too sedentary, no longer going for walks on the beaches etc. I've become a little fearful of falling or getting mugged, so my bum is firmly planted in my chair. Well, this morning I gave myself a good kick-start, put on some music and danced my way through my two rooms as I dusted and polished stuff where the dust was so thick I could draw pictures in it. I felt much better when I finished. Now if only I can keep that up....
ReplyDeleteEven a tiny plan helps River. The first day I just took crap out of my closet that I hadn't worn in a year and put it in the bag for Goodwill and left it there for my helper to take on Wednesday.
DeleteJust little bits in the right direction. I was really wallowing in bum sitting and not engaging or becoming aware.
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It's very hard to motivate yourself when you are not feeling energetic and when it is a struggle to do things, but I think by forcing yourself you are better off in the long term. Even my anti exercise mother has realised the dangers of not being active when she was in hospital a couple of years ago and refused to participate in rehab exercising. This time she has taken the exercise on board and is doing it.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very good thing Andrew and you are obviously learning from your mother. As I am reading this thinking how easy it is to let ourselves slowly slide into inertia. I was not aware of how bad it was for me, like the frog in water coming to a boil.
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It's so insidious because it happens so slowly and silently ... but it happens. May we all take some comfort in one another until we can breathe again. And yes, your daughter is a gem; I hope you appreciate her.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh I do, Tom. I never ever take her for granted and I am so grateful we lived through some rough times and came out intact in our adoration for each other. She only has my best interests in her heart.
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My main job now is to stay as healthy and happy as I can so my daughter doesn't have to worry about me...I get an hour or two of exercise every day, doing it while streaming Netflix and other sources, and I've been eating a healthy diet for years. Unlike you I read a lot of self-help books in the past and figured out what works for me. I'm grateful for their ideas for things to try. I also write a post every day, which keeps me connected to the world. I'm grateful for that too.
ReplyDeleteGood for you CM. Yes a post a day is a good thing. I may try and do that and keep them short perhaps and to the point.
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Brave and good daughter you have there. And yes, sedentary is more dangerous than we think. But how to change? Do tell about your journey towards the light ;)
ReplyDeleteI certainly will share it Charlotte, right now I'm putting in small changes of which I will write maybe daily for a while to keep me on track.
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It is good that you have such a caring daughter to think about such changes for you. Living alone as you do, the changes that are now being thrust on you do need some supporting features like what you have just been provided.
ReplyDeleteYes, they do Ramana and I also had a call from a physio on Friday, right out of the blue as I had been on the waiting list for government assisted care in that arena for over a year (!!!). I could have been dead by then. But I can't afford the cost of private physio. So that may help too. My back has been killing me lately.
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Oh, I am so glad you have your daughter to help you in her own little way. She is most concerned. Do take advantage of the social worker and call those two numbers. You need help.
ReplyDeleteI certainly do Gigi, and I believe the roughest part of all is admitting it. As if it such a weak thing to do when in fact is the strongest.
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How fortunate you have a daughter to check up on you and you respond to her concerns. I try to do that with my children across the miles, but you remind me that I may have become more sedentary than I've realized.
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