I won't get into the link business here as there are far too many essays and articles on the topic of cognitive decline during these hazardous times.
Elders have been adversely affected during Covid, due to lack of social interaction, normal leisure activities, large family gatherings, etc. I would add the appalling new layers of climate change (which is quite horrifying out in British Columbia at the moment), here's a link to that for readers outside Canada. BC has been cut off from food delivery and is totally isolated with highway washouts and mudslides.
I am witnessing a situation first hand here in the building with a friend who has virtually pulled down the shutters and refuses to come out. I've tried my best over the past week or so to get her to come to the beach or out for a meal or even a coffee or even to come here for a chat in her PJs or me to visit her. I believe the Black Dog (or perhaps a pack of black dogs) has got her firmly in it's grip. I can't get through to her and it's alarming.
She's let many activities go, even her driving. Another friend tried to coax her out to a prime beef dinner on Saturday night at the RAF club ($15.00!!) and she declined even though our table will be just people who know her well.
I texted her today that I didn't want to be a pain in the arse trying to break through to her and said I was always available for a chat. All I got was a little heart emoticon in return.
I am really concerned. The Black Dog was my familiar in the past but thankfully, gratefully, he took off some time ago and hasn't shown his slavering jaws in a long while.
I believe this is a rough time for many of us (children, seniors) And the future of this wee planet is looking grimmer and grimmer and Covid rates are through the roof in Ireland and the UK again. Masked will be part of our daily existence (forever?) and I have little faith that politicians will sort out and correct the trajectory of the acceleration of devastating weather conditions due to advancing climate change.
As an Australian prime minister said a few years back (sorry can't remember his name) when the fires were chewing through his country "You're on your own."
We are all on our own basically.
There is no magic wand.
Perhaps your friend is avoiding groups of live people. Have you tried chatting via Zoom??? She may simply be weary of other people's ideas about "normal" living in a pandemic in which nothing is really normal and vaccines don't protect folks in the way many thought they would.
ReplyDeleteShe's not a Zoom person, E, unfortunately. She's a depressive by nature. I've known her quite a while. But this is the worst I've ever witnessed in her. Extreme isolation.
ReplyDeleteI'll see if I can cook her some food tomorrow without letting her know it's for her. I'll call it leftovers.
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One friend of mine told me that when she really didn't want to be around people she would hide in her garage, living in there, sleeping in an arm chair.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a similarly extreme withdrawal.
All you can do is keep offering.
As for climate. I see no hope
I would not answer the phone or the door and hide in a bathroom if people knocked. It's a horrible thing depression and really when you're in it there is no light. Just an all consuming darkness.
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I do hope your friend receives all the help she needs. Only she is the one to say yes or no to any offered.
ReplyDeleteOff topic…..a couple of months ago you mentioned a ‘neighbour’ who you felt had become mentally disturbed…..how is she coping now. Has her situation altered - has she been offered help (medical or other) at all.
Life for the elderly who have been unable to cope during these strange times is pretty grim. It is good to see you becoming aware of those in your building who may need a hand - emotionally or otherwise
Cathy she hasn't been seen or heard from. The manager here has access to her car all the time (long story) so we know she's alive. She's a hoarder and loner (only opens her door a crack so no one can see the horror within) but I would think quite unbalanced. But not further sledgehammer awakenings in the middle of the night for which I am grateful.
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I am sorry to hear your friend has become a recluse, perhaps keeping to herself is the only way she can cope. Do you know if she reads books or does puzzles or anything else to occupy her time? could you perhaps leave a few books by her door?
ReplyDeleteShe's an avid reader River and I have given her books in the last while. Also a knitter. I think she envisioned a life in the city as full of activities with her daughter but that hasn't happened at all. And that could never be enough anyway. Her daughter has her own life. I'm hoping some life will creep under her door and awaken her to possibilities.
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I am so very sorry to read this. I am just home from a shift at Lifeline and sadly she is not alone - and is in a very dangerous place. I hope that your continuing and very obvious care for her shines a small beacon of light for her.
ReplyDeleteIt's a huge concern, EC and I am hoping she will come through it. I understand the business of being want to be left alone. But ultimately it's in her hands to reach out and get help if she needs it.
DeleteLifeline would make you very knowledgeable on these turbulent and dangerous times.
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Sad times, sad stories.
ReplyDeleteAnd many of them out there Charlotte, I would venture. Mental stability can be a fragile thing in the older years.
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A situation I've never imagined, let alone had to try to assuage. Here's hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel. You're such a good sort. -Kate
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty scary Kate, I hope she manages to pull through.
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Sad to hear. So, bring her some food? Play a game with her like Words with Friends? Call her on the phone? Some people will chat on the phone even tho' they don't want to see anybody in person. I'd say, keep trying, and good luck.
ReplyDeleteHardest for the old who don't have decades left and hard for teens to twenty five who have lost some important years.
ReplyDeleteI have two friends just like the one in your building and not only I but, some other mutual friends have also failed to get them out of the shells that they had built around themselves during the lockdowns. I have been boycotted by one of them for suggesting that I come with a counsellor. It has been devastating for some others with other problems like inability to focus, to read etc. Shrinks here are calling it Anxiety syndrome.
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you have reached out to her. Maybe her depression will lift and she will want to socialize again in the near future.
ReplyDeleteMy mum was much the same the few years before she died. She lost all interest in other people and in any activities laid on by the care home. Very sad. I applaud your efforts to draw out your friend.
ReplyDeleteThere are many sad stories. I hope it makes a difference to your friend that you keep trying, like a light in the distance, although she's not responding now.
ReplyDeleteTimes when I have been depressed the last thing I wanted to do is see people. It's hard when you see someone doing that, and I have zero advice on the situation. As an elder with no family in the vicinity I have actually not felt all that isolated, if anything I've rather enjoyed the peace and quiet. I'm okay with wearing a mask forever if that's what it takes, in some cultures mask wearing is routine. I do have some sympathy for young people who are more naturally gregarious.
ReplyDeleteNo, there is no magic fix to any of this. It's a scary time.
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