So I haul along my friend for these multitude of appointments and insist on paying her for her services as it is a huge chunk of time (often 3 hours for a 10 minute appointment) out of her life and she has to play hunt the parking spot and hunt the wheelchair as, seriously, the walking through the sprawl has to be seen to be believed and impossible for me and George, my cane, to manage.
So it was there, as I was finally in the waiting room, I said to her: "Why in the name of the goddess am I putting myself through all these consults and tests and evaluations? I am completely stressed out and hello quality of life?"
Now I hasten to add cancer is not on anyone's radar, so I am free to say that. Cancer would be another story entirely.
So I saw the new consult, who is added to the team of my healthcare. Which I am so grateful for and all effing free (sorry USA). He is a surgeon charged with managing my anemia. I liked him immediately.
I told him about my conversation in the waiting room and he then proceeded to review what he would have to do to my body to find the causes of this failing blood and tiredness issue.
Dear gawd, I said to him:
"Lights down the stomach, lights up the bowels and like you mention, odds of nicking something, slim though they are. I will be 77 in August. I am stressed just sitting in your waiting room and evaluating all these appointments and my life taken over by monthly visits to each of my team not to mention blood draws and lung xrays. And I beg the question why? What is it doing for me in the long run?"
"You know," he responded, "I can't advise you on this decision, only you can do that. But I can tell you I hear you. And if I was facing 77 I would want to enjoy myself too and not have to worry about procedures like these. I'll let your GP know what we talked about. And try and eat really healthily. It might improve your blood readings, they are pretty dismal."
I am so with you on this. Testing, re-testing, waiting for and worrying over results and also over getting there, finding the right place, and so on, only to maybe live miserably for a few more days instead of enjoying the here and now. That - living here and now - would be my choice. Sorry if I'm rambling, it is hard to express in a foreign language. I have been going through health problems in the last couple of months, and even though I'm almost 20 years your junior, I recently arrived at something like this.
ReplyDeleteYes, Charlotte it takes on a life of its own doesn't it. and really interferes with the interesting stuff we want to do. I am so sorry you are so young having to face these kinds of decisions.
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Just take each day as it comes and enjoy it. What really helps is finding something to do each day, something that will get you out of bed and occupy your mind. You mentioned knitting socks, so that is good. How about trying a new recipe you found online? Going to the art museum with your granddaughter? Something interesting to do.
ReplyDeleteOh I have no trouble at all filling my days Gigi, I am one of those whose life is so packed with good things. I actually resent having to take time out of it for these appointments which take forever and add to stress.
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thinking of you, experienced a lot you are going through, thankful did not begin until 80. Past year heart attack and phnemomia, still energy is no where like the past. I really have many blessings and may never go to a doctor again, insurance covers nurse with their visits.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya on no doctors but I do have faith in my GP, he is quite holistic in his approach (youthful, knowledgeable, all the time in the world for this old woman) and will tell him of my decision re all these appointments wrecking what's left of my life.
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Oh yes.
ReplyDeleteI see my doctors as little as possible and my life is much better for being off the medical roundabouts.
Good luck. And hooray for a surgeon who listens. Good luck.
Thank you EC. It is a roundabout isn't it, and rather terrifying and it just takes all the piss and vinegar out of one. At least us ones.
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I am about your age and know what you mean about spending precious hours in doctor appointments and having tests done, and having concerns about possible dangers in tests, etc. I trust you will make wise decisions.
ReplyDeleteThank you Terra, I feel confident in this, it just goes on and on and is so exhausting and just about bombs my days into smithereens.
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So completely understand. At 80 past November, I have had hypertension since my late 30's; breast cancer w/ surgery, chemo & Tamoxifen 19 yrs. ago; kidney cancer about 9 yrs. ago; experience peripheral neuropathy in both feet due to chemo. My latest drama is requiring a biopsy after a mammogram & ultrasound last week. I can't believe I feel so good emotionally. Since I found a lump after falling in September...I have had a lot of time to think things through & am working on my own decision after the biopsy. Honestly, I think that some of this is due to my learning via bloggers how life goes for us as we age. I'm weighing life expectancy in my family with whatever my diagnosis will present & then will make a very personal decision alone. The thought of sitting in a waiting room for an appointment with Covid-19 beginning to sprout up here isn't exactly thrilling. Hugs to you & I know you will make the decision that is right for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Regina for your own experience with all of this. And yes, hospitals are such high risk places - and even moree so no with Covid-19 lurking in the strangest of places.The only "risks" I have coming at me are malignant melanoma, which my mother died of (she worshipped the sun, I don't) and my father died of a late in life heart attack.
DeleteWhen we're meant to go we go, and I can't see myself being brave enough to live on with many challenges, hooked up to gear and gadgets.
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I’ve caught up with you and I am so sorry that life isn’t treating you very kindly. I am as old as you, either your health is worse than mine or I am less bothered about it. My beta blockers keep my heart etc. going, inhalers keep my lack of breath at bay (due to asthma, not heart), I limp a bit but not enough to stop me moving and, like you, I try to make every day count and to hell with anyone else who might have other ideas.
ReplyDeleteI remember the old days, when your blog was a constant inspiration to me - yes, you were sad sometimes, but your indomitable spirit shone through whatever life threw at you. I really am very sorry that your writing now makes me sad too and I do so hope that the old wisewebwoman is still hidden somewhere inside. It is not so long ago, after all.
Oh I'm still in there Friko and the old me emerged yesterday once I had made the decisions about not hanging about clinics and hospitals in endless testing patterns. It was sucking my spirit out of me.
DeleteI felt as free as a bird once I embraced a life without cluttering it up with examinations and admonitions and new meds and measurements, etc.
Like joining the human race again and looking at possibilities rather than impossibilities.
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My advice is to see as few doctors as possible and take the least amount of medicine. Eat well and keep moving.
ReplyDeleteMy father used to say "keep moving" and "have one thing to look forward to." Very sound advice, DKZ.
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Good for you. We understand our bodies best, and if some old or new faltering concerns you, you can have your GP direct you back to the specialist with knowledge and suggestions.
ReplyDeleteYes, the specialists are all open to repeat visits.
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OMG, why is it that health practitioners think elders want to spend their precious time in medical appointments?!? I think that if they truly cared about the health of elders they would seriously rethink what they put us through. Sorry, I realize many of them are perfectly good people with perfectly good intentions but O. M. G.
ReplyDeleteI watched David Suzuki the other night talking about aging well, running himself through all sorts of tests and procedures and patting himself on the back for being so healthy because he makes such healthy choices and ever the cynic I think it is all a bunch of BS.
At this point in time it is not about quantity of life but quality of life. Who really cares if you live to 101 if you spend all that time in the so-called healthcare system?
My thoughts exactly Annie. Ever the activist, I was thinking on trip # 5 in the past couple of weeks, in this digital age why can't they make the life of this 76yo - and all elders - simple by booking all these tests in 1 effing day? But no, endless hours in endless clinics (in a wheelchair because of the enormous distances)for me. Thrumming the fingers, waiting, waiting.
DeleteBacking away might be the greatest gifts we give ourselves.
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Hooray for normal blood pressure and sympathetic doctors. I hope things improve for you with just a change in diet and being able to relax more now that you are off that merry-go-round.
ReplyDeleteI feel so much better already River, I do believe we carry hidden stress which add to our illhealth when faced with endless medical appointments.
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ReplyDeleteThe new consultant seems to be just what the doctor ordered! Very sensible advise and I hope that you can easily get the kind of things that your GP will suggest there. Over here, it would be lots of beetroot, carrots, green leafy vegetables etc. It has been arranged for a friend with the same problem.
ReplyDeleteOne of my faves is kale, Ramana but I couldn't find it yesterday and as I can't trek to different places as I used to, one shot shopping is what I am able to manage now.
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You have the sense of a wise person. Be your own good guide.
ReplyDeleteWe all want was is best for you. Mainly, go on living life to its fullest, share your good thoughts and good words to the world, it needs it...we need to hear the wisdom.
Eat the best for you. Silly ol' blood, get back to right.
You know what you need, take care of you.
I was speaking of your bloodwork to get itself back to right.
DeleteThank you Gemma, I do hope my bloodwork sorts itself out.
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As your consultant said, "I can't advise you on this decision, only you can do that." But I think in your situation I would feel the same. Keep the medical check-ups to a minimum and focus on enjoying what's left of your life. The problem here is trying to get to see a consultant in the first place. The waiting lists are horrendous - literally several years. The NHS continues to be woefully underfunded and is no longer the prestigious service it used to be.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea Nick that the NHS had slipped so badly, that is incredible. It used to be one of the best in the world.
DeleteGood advice right? And now I am in isolation and happy.
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I appreciate how you feel and the questions you raised. I also resent those medial buildings requiring so much walking. They’re hardly friendly sites designed to accommodate an aging population. Perhaps we each reach a point when we say, enough is enough, and choose to limit the tests and procedures we’re willing to go through.
ReplyDeleteExactly Joared. You totally understand. It is wearying and I truly believe it affects any kind of wellness we may be feeling.
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I hear you, I hear you, WWW! I "bought" myself a few weeks free of medical appointments by postponing my PET scan to the end of March. Things are not going to get better for me, at 81, from here on, so I want to enjoy (as much as possible) a few weeks now - before worse things might appear on the horizon, not to mention the rogue virus roaming abroad and in the USA too right now. I recall that around a year ago my GP, on a visit I made for some minor issue, when speaking of my major issues, even back then, said that it sometimes really is a choice to be made between quality and quantity of what lifetime is left. I've decided to take a kind of middle way by choosing timing of tests for myself from now on, giving myself breathing spaces for quality, while not refusing anything outright to aid quantity.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love to you, WWW. x
Good for you T, we need to take charge. I don't have cancer so could make choices without that looming over my head but surgeries and exploratory nonsense at my age and condition made me nearly bleed out, metaphorically speaking. I have enough to deal with in getting out of bed - as do you. An act of courage and hope.
DeleteBackatcha with the hugs :)
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