Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Sanity


 

Do you ever wonder about your own status? I'm talking mental health of course, per the heading.

And what is sanity?

Well, here's a definition:

the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health.
"I began to doubt my own sanity"

We know what insanity is, of course - and this is just my recollection of a good one:

Performing the same task over and over and expecting different results. 

 Do we all fall between these, somewhere?

I don't know what thirty odd months of basic incarceration has done to my brain.

There have been spurts of outings and trips, but far too infrequent and, unlike some, I don't hold out any hope this pandemic is ever finished with us, too many variants with too many ineffective vaccines. I remember reading when I was in my early twenties that the greatest threat to humanity was a virus and it would take us all out.

I lived through the polio epidemic, which I've written about here. I've lived, again as a child, through the threats of cold war and nuclear chains being rattled every day on the news, and believing in the cataclysmic threats of Fatima - the angry virgin, seen by peasant children, threatening all of humanity until Russia succumbed to Christianity or some such rot. I imagine that must effect an unformed child-brain in ways we can't imagine. 

And yes, we all have trauma of some kind as children - from peer bullying, to drunken fathers (or mothers) to poverty and unimaginable abuse.

I suppose if I'm questioning my own state of mind, the brain health meter would point to sanity. 

I'm dealing with inertia, loads of it. It's hard to get enthusiastic, to experience joy, to make any kind of plans, to even call my doctor (who last time was coughing through a Covid variant- much to my shock as he was rigid in precautions).

There's also massive denial out here on The Edge of those also caught with The Covid. They label it something else, like cold or flu. Statistics are lacking. Many Covid deaths are written off as something else. The Economy defeats public health mandates or precautions.

And note I haven't touched climate change or Roe or Ukraine or all the other shyte happening around us. We really, really, don't deserve this planet. Like the pestilential fleas we are, we will be shrugged off. The Virus is winning.


All your thoughts are welcome.




23 comments:

  1. I would say I'm reasonably sane, but like you I feel very different after all the pandemic restrictions and changes. I also have inertia and a lack of enthusiasm. I guess the normal joie de vivre will return in due course.

    I've just had covid despite four vaccinations. I know a lot of people who've had covid recently. It certainly isn't a thing of the past.

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  2. Oh yes, I spend time (lots of time) teetering on the edge. I think I am mostly on the 'right' side of that edge, but I wonder. Insanity doesn't run through my family. It takes its time and gets to know us personally.

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    1. My thoughts exactly EC, it really gets to know us. I find I am crying far more easily these days, those fires in the UK really got to me. Deeply. What does the world need to get a grip and do something before many of us slide over the edge?
      XO
      WWW

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  3. Gee Nick, I hope you got over it quickly with no long term effects. I know two going into their 4th month with terrible symptoms of exhaustion, coughing and worry about the effects on internal organs.and it's good to know I'm not alone in this inertia and lack of joy. I'm not sure about your "due course" but I imagine many of us have hope. I've misplaced mine.
    XO
    WWW

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  4. I don't know if I will ever be the same as before the pandemic. I still have not gotten it but I am traveling soon to see my kids. It has been nearly 3 years and I cannot wait any longer. Living in fear of this virus has take its toll on my mental health for sure. Roberta

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    1. On me too Roberta. It is never ending it seems and the smallest pleasures are very very limited and it's taking its toll on many of us. I wish you good health on your journey. I, too, have escaped it so far. For how long, I do wonder.
      XO
      WWW

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  5. It is a rough world at the moment, but hasn't it always been? However, we can do better, much better.

    We are full of inertia and I don't know why. We have enough money to maintain our apartment and we have the time, but it is being neglected.

    Covid care, precautions and common sense can still work with getting out and about, especially for reasons of mental health.

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    1. There's a sort of ennui I am experiencing along with my limited mobility. I wish I could shrug my way out of it but the fear is there at my age, a very legitimate fear that the damn thing can kill me.
      But it's truly hard to find the slivers of joy these days.
      XO
      WWW

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  6. I too wonder who will win, the little virus(es) or the big 'un's.

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    1. Or all of them teaming up as they seem to be doing these past few weeks, circumventing vaccines and mutating.
      XO
      WWW

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  7. Yes, we are all somewhere between sanity and insanity, leaning one way or the other depending on how our days go. Staying home and inside hasn't affected me much, it's what I would do anyway, so it's life as usual for me, just with the added mask wearing and vaccinations.

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    1. I too love being at home, when it was a choice but I'm find the fewer the choices the less in harmony with myself I feel.
      XO
      WWW

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  8. You are correct. Our hubris and huge sense of entitlement are killing us all. I stay home but boy do I wish I lived some place else...

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    1. And news from the rest of the world is dire at the moment E. It's like we're teetering on the brink of unimaginable horror.
      XO
      WWW

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  9. "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

    ~ Mark Twain

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    1. Thanks Ramana. We're all there, some aware, most aren't.
      XO
      WWW

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  10. Yeah, I hear you! Meanwhile, listening to beautiful music is like balm to the soul.

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    1. Sometimes it's just not enough Gigi, but I hear you.
      XO
      WWW

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  11. You sound to me as if you could be clinically depressed but then with the way the world is, we are probably insane if we aren't depressed.....which I suppose is what you are saying.
    I have a friend in nursing home care, she is relatively young at 58 and has suffered through so many lockdowns (many more than society at large) and I wonder if it might be better for her to enjoy herself than to be protected in such a cruel manner. Where do we draw the line between quality of life and quantity?

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  12. It's a tough question indeed Kylie, plus there's health care culpability in such decisions, protect life at all costs, etc. I hold very little hope for the planet at the moment. On all fronts. Though having said that I feel quite safe out here on The Edge where we've had a hot summer so far but nothing like the terrible events elsewhere in North American and Europe. And still they dither while the planet burns and mask mandates are removed, etc.
    XO
    WWW
    XO

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  13. Thank you for the kind remarks regarding my post today. Sending hugs.

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    1. It's beautiful post, challenging to write, but you really captured her. A complicated woman.
      XO
      WWW

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  14. So far I think I've remained sane which is probably a sure sign I'm not.

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