What's this about?
I find myself getting overly explanatory lately. In that irritating way of some seniors and elders of my experience.
Example:
Making an appointment at the car dealership and they change it by about two hours and I start in on how busy my day is. Not in an aggravated or aggressive or annoyed kind of way or anything. Nicely. Going through the entire day until I hear myself and think, sweet Maude, my grandmother would do this, my elderly aunts would do this, other elders of my acquaintance would do this. Usually people who lived alone. So I stopped and coughed and said to the patient lady:
“Oh, who cares, I'll shuffle things around, no problem”
And I got to thinking, why do I do this? Is it to make my life valuable now that I am older as in:
(1) See how important I am (to strangers, yet),
(2) I may be old but you can't shove me around, lady,
(3) I am so busy, listen to the list of all I have to do.
(4) I matter.
Who am I trying to convince? It's hard to admit it but of course it's myself. And half the battle of changing or eliminating any negative trait is the awareness of it. Right?
When I fall into thinking that I'm just too damn busy. I recall the song from an old Hollywood movie that goes something like this:
ReplyDelete"We're busy doin' nothin'
Workin' the whole day through
Tryin' to find lots of things not to do
We're busy goin' nowhere
Isn't it just a crime
We'd like to be unhappy, but
We never do have the time"
I take a different tack. To me, it's not a question of needing the other person's validation;it's more like Greta Garbo's "I want to be left alone." (That's the correct quote). You obviously are leading a full life, inner-directed and purposeful. Whether you think it consciously or not, you want to get on with your reality, without unwelcome surprises. But you're right; curmudgeonly behavior is counter-productive. It wastes your emotional capital, and improves nothing.
ReplyDeleteI am perfectly willing to eliminate any negative traits in my personality once I become aware of it. On the other hand, I cannot accept shoddiness in service for which I pay. My two posts with my annoyance with Standard Chartered Bank refers. My cable TV service provider has been promising delivery of a set top box every evening and does not turn up leaving me sitting at home twiddling my thumbs after having cancelled other plans. What should I do? Had I been younger, I would have probably gone to his office and clobbered him. Now, I can only do what other illustrious older role models did before me.
ReplyDeleteYou have to remind yourself that the other person is merely a paid functionary who most likely doesn't care about your personal agenda, they simply want to get through the day. Don't waste your breath, just rearrange your schedule as creatively as possible. You may even gain from it....
ReplyDeleteLaughing at myself when reading this. I didn't even notice I was babbling on to complete strangers who could care less about my pedestrian life, until you reminded me. Thanks... I think?
ReplyDeleteI think I'd probably react, in similar circumstances, by accepting the change with as much grace as I could muster but by responding something along these lines:
ReplyDelete"Alright, I'll amend my diary, but I do hope that if ever I need to make a change after booking an appointment here you'll accord me the same courtesy.....(slight doubtful sniff)...Good morning."
gosh, i do this! and i get embarrassed, too, and sort of trail off....
ReplyDeletebut i think i do it because i'm not just communicating with them, i'm running through everything in my head, trying to sort it all out and figure out how to make things work.
and you're right, i used to do this silently. but in those days, i didn't have as much to do as i do now.
I live alone and I natter on at strangers too. Mostly I try to be aware of whether they're looking bored or not. I like Laurie's explanation of it.
ReplyDeleteBut as well, I live in a small town and people here thrive on knowing everybody's business, so I like to contribute my wee bit to the general supply of gossip 8-)
I try to keep my nattering innocuous, but if I've had a lengthy conversation with a shopkeeper I feel I've kept up my end of things.
GFB:
ReplyDeleteWell, my point was in sharing my life with total strangers.... :)
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Marc:
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding my post so completely and yes I khew the GG quote along with "you played it for her, you can play it for me." :)
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R:
ReplyDeleteJust spew your entire day at them, that should wake them all up!!
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Nick:
ReplyDeleteI do and then trail off and trail back on again :)
As if I need to justify. I never used to do this, I am rediscovering my dead grandmother :)
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Sharon:
ReplyDeleteAnother who gets it. I know we have to laugh and I am so glad we are both aware of it. I know many others who are completely un-selfware and babble and babble to the glazed eyes of those around them.
I am trusting I will spot glazed!!
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T:
ReplyDeleteOh boy, QE2 could take lessons from you. I love the sniff....
I'm going to practise!
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Laurie:
ReplyDeleteYes, I feel overwhelmed too,that is part of it and the aging brain takes a little longer to process more and more stuff.
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Annie:
ReplyDeleteOh I know the small town stuff believe me, even strangers walk up to me because of the little notoriety I have.
I was basically referring to strangers in the city that I'm on the phone with or having a casual business interchange with.
Out where I live they love me wittering on as my accent enchants them. Imagine that in the land of full Oirish accents if you will :D
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Just observing the common courtesies is a big help. Sometimes as we age we forget the nuances and get into these unproductive exchanges. I always try to keep my communications short and to the point when dealing with younger people (almost everyone, it seems, these days) and wear my hearing aid. Holding forth can be a symptom of hearing loss.
ReplyDeleteBeing Irish and gregarious and garrulous may play a role in your situation, too, as also the small town vibes.
But hey, it's probably just part of your charm!
Hattie:
ReplyDeleteI wonder sometimes if the awareness can kick these little ticks of elderhood. Jury is still out.
I can be far from charming....:D
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