Black and White and Denial all Over

Part 1 of _____

Another of my lobes has exploded, so enough of my blog-fluff for now:

Tuam. Dead children being tossed in unmarked disused septic tanks in Galway up to 1961. The stark horror of it all. But nothing is black and white is it? The debate can rage on if it was or wasn't a septic tank. Distraction from the huge black elephant lounging about in the living room shoving everything else out of sight. I read vituperative blasts of prose condemning the "bitches", the "evil bitches" who ran these horrific homes for "wayward girls" who had the temerity to get themselves pregnant, all by themselves. The bases were covered in these places - if they were younger than the age of consent, still children themselves: well then the devil himself had a hand in it, making them tempting seductresses of innocent adult males, be they their fathers, uncles, brothers or the local priests. Those fathers of these casual sperm implantations were never made accountable. Or answerable to the law of the land. Oh, sorry, the land where the word "rape" was never countenanced. And paedophilia I didn't know about apart from a difficult to spell word in crossword puzzles.

She must have been "asking for it" was the phrase I heard around my house.

There was a girl in my class in national school. We were 12. Just past our confirmation where we pledged our purity, our bodies, ourselves to the Invisible Cosmic Housekeeper. By the age of 12 I'd been touched inappropriately by men a few times which I've written about on this blog - no little girls are safe in a patriarchal culture such as Ireland was in my time. This little girl's mother was a casual church acquaintance of my mother. They were poor. I remember that. Kathleen was her name. Kathleen got very fat very quickly and then one day never showed up at school again.

I kept pestering my mother as to what happened to Kathleen. Finally my mother broke down and told me Kathleen's mother was expecting another child (her fourteenth) and was older (mid forties) and Kathleen had to stay home and help her.

Later, much later, I was in high school and had seen Kathleen around, wheeling an obviously mentally challenged toddler in a stroller, my mother told me Kathleen was one of the "lucky ones" and didn't have to go to a "home for bad girls."

And that's when I heard another phrase, common in use in Ireland then: Kathleen had "allowed" someone to "interfere" with her.

Later again, my mother told me it was Kathleen's father who had "interfered" with several of his daughters, thus the massive "retardation" in the younger "siblings" and an aging mother covering it up, to protect her daughters from the hellish "homes" run by the sisters.

He was a good man, a pillar of the church, said my mother, with only the one "weakness".

A good man? I asked her in disbelief, a good man?

Ah, said my mother, sure he didn't drink at all.

See Part 2 Here

Taint

taint


/tānt/

Noun

A trace of a bad or undesirable quality or substance: "the taint of corruption".

Verb

Contaminate or pollute (something).

Synonyms


noun.

stain - blemish - blot - spot - smirch - smear - smudge

verb.

contaminate - pollute - spoil - corrupt - foul - infect

I was posting a link on FB to an article I wrote years ago. About Easter and Tenebrae and the old Irish traditions around this time, like my granny looking at the sun reflected in a mirror in an eastern window of her house to tell the future.

All the awe and mystery and ceremonies and darkness of Easter week. Like my mother hauling me outside on Easter Sunday to watch the sun dance 3 times, even it was only in our imaginations.

And now I find it is all tainted (the only word that came to my mind) with the shadowed abuses and perversions that were taking place just about everywhere the Catholic Church had stretched its obscene tentacles.

And I can't help but imagine what was going on behind the scenes in all the churches and convents and cathedrals and schools and hospitals and orphanages I was in, so many children suffering with no one to hear their anguish apart from their paedophiliac abusers.

Thank you RC church. For destroying my memories and those of so many others. And the lives of all you abused and tried to conceal with the help of your Vatican Overlords. May you all rot in hell, if there`s such a place, which I doubt, you corrupt, evil and perverted institution.

Having Sex with Twelve-Year-Olds

Man who had sex with 12-year-old jailed

So goes - just the headline, mind you - in our newspaper, The Telegram, today.

Is there anyone else out there who gets enraged with those few words in bold black ink?

The man, 26 years old, 'had sex' with a child.

'Had sex' implies consent, does it not? It implies two adults agreeing to have sex with each other, right? Consensual sex.

It implies a twelve year old child can agree to have sex with anyone she chooses. It implies she is a fully functioning adult who can make adult decisions with regard to sex. But not vote, or drive a car or get a job or live on her own.

And the news story gets worse:

“ There was no overt violence,” Judge Robert Hyslop said during Skanes’ sentencing at provincial court in St. John’s. “(But) this was an intrusive act that caused (the young girl) psychological damage.”

Hyslop then gave Skanes a twoyear prison term.

As Skanes was escorted out of the courtroom in handcuffs, his wife, as well as members of the victim’s family, sobbed.

Skanes showed no reaction, only to hang his head.

The St. John’s man pleaded guilty to one count of sexual interference. A charge of sexual assault was withdrawn by the Crown in exchange for the guilty plea.

Skanes admitted having sex three times with the girl between April and June last year, when he was 25 years old and she was 12.

The two first began flirting on a computer instant-messaging program before beginning a sexual relationship.

Skanes told the girl to keep it a secret.

They used a condom each time they had sex, but the third time, the condom broke.

That caused a pregnancy scare for the girl, who went to Planned Parenthood to get tested.
“Fortunately,” the judge said, “she didn’t get pregnant.”

Crown prosecutor Heidi Wells had recommended a two-to threeyear jail term, pointing to the victim’s young age and Skanes’ lack of insight into the seriousness of the crime.

A pre-sentence report deemed Skanes a medium risk to reoffend, saying he seems to have distanced himself from what he did and fails to acknowledge he should not have done it. Instead, Skanes continued to point out that other adults knew about the relationship and didn’t do anything.

I can parse some of it here before I get too queasy. I leave the rest of the report up to you to sort out.

“ There was no overt violence,” said Judge Robert Hyslop

And Judge Robert, sir, what would be overt violence in your little law book? Would you say this about your 12 year old daughter if she had been thus raped and violated?

"beginning a sexual relationship". Again this implies consent on behalf of the child. A "relationship" originating in stalking by a paedophile of a child through messaging on the computer.

The words RAPE, PAEDOPHILE and PREDATOR were not used once in the whole article.

And oh yeah, he got two years. His wife wept as he was hauled off.

Rape and paedophilia apologia is alive and well and supported by the media.

Theft of Innocence, Redux

I think I received (and still hear from readers privately) the most responses to this post.It comes to the forefront again with the death of someone who was close to the family. Never close enough as she could not relate to anyone in an intimate way. Her childhood had been stolen from her too. And then a psychologist entrusted with her care abused her also.

A friend, a child psychologist herself, once told me that it is impossible for any victim of child sexual abuse to relate to people normally or be capable of intimacy or nurture their own children in a healthy way. Therapy is just a sop to the outsiders. It has no effect on the victim or can bring them into 'recovery'. For there is none. She wouldn't tell her patients or their caregivers this, she said. They needed some hope, for what else could she give them? But there was no recovery.

From what I have observed over the years I reluctantly have to agree with her. It is a hopeless and heartbreaking situation. Apart from the victim, those surrounding them are left feeling helpless, angry and powerless. I tried to help this person who just died as did another family member. As I've done with others.

And my conclusion is always the same, there is something so dead within them as to leave the helper feeling chilled. As if the candle of hope or even simple humanity was extinguished a long, long time ago.

I saw this in another friend who had been incested since she was a toddler. Try as I might, I could never reach her or she reach me in the ways of true intimacy. Her sudden spats of fury out of nowhere, with me as a target, frightened me. Her chilly self- protection was animalistic at times. And we both tried. And tried. Until I had to walk away.

It's true. Therapy doesn't help. I've known people with years and years of it, still floundering, still solitary in their blocked out world, still terrified and usually alienated from their families who refuse to believe their narratives in spite of all the evidence. For to do so would rock their own foundations and break the silence forever. I can't count these victims amongst my own circle there are so many. Mainly women. But some men too.

I am very angry tonight. Angry at the world that allows this to happen over and over again. Angry at the lack of understanding of the lifelong imprisonment of such innocents on top of the original violations by the ones who were entrusted with their care.

They never leave this prison cell. They never get their trust returned to them. They are crippled and maimed and tortured. And bleak in their hopelessness. "I feel nothing!" one such victim screamed at me one night, dry-eyed, trying to make me understand.

What is even more disturbing is that only 1%, if that, of such cases ever get reported. To anyone. Most victims go on alone, dysfunctionally, fearful, lonely, permanently sad or angry or addicted. Unable to feel joy or happiness or peace of mind.

I am not a violent person, but if I could get my hands on their predators I would swing them from the highest noose and walk off without a backward glance.

Angry. Yeah.

More Entertainment from the Vatican Vanities

Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi announces the revised Catholic laws. Photograph: Andrew Medichini/AP

So now we have a further episode of women hatred from this sorry bunch of barnacle encrusted old patriarchs aka Roman Catholic Hierarchy.

They have now classified even an attempted ordination of a woman as equivalent to paedophilia and child rape along with the usual heresy charges (what ever that is - perhaps having the gall to break free of the brain-washing cult?) Yes, lump these women in with the thousands upon thousands of predatory paedophiles who destroyed countless children's lives!

But they are certainly clear on the fact that paedophiles are a cut far, far above females, being as they are still ordained and not ex-communicated.

This comes right on the heels of the announcement from the Church of England that they would be consecrating female bishops to bring C of E into full equality.

Co-incidence?

Perhaps they're hoping to catch the onslaught of exits by the misogynists of C of E?

What a perfectly vile institution it is. How any female can be a supporter of such hatred and contempt is beyond my reasoning capacity.

Et Tu, Brazil?

An RC priest in Brazil (where more and more abused children are coming forward) has expanded the empire of paedophilia even further with the addition of an erotic dungeon to his parish house.

Here he would chain up altar boys and rape them.

State prosecutors have accused Marcin Michael Strachanowski, 44, of handcuffing the 16-year-old former altar boy to a bed three years ago in the parish house where the priest lived and threatening to kill the youth if he spoke of the abuse.

You can read all about it here. Same old, same old. More abused children scarred for life. Their lives stolen forever.

But Brazil has come up with a solution to the problem. Yes it has!

The National Conference of Brazilian Bishops recently announced it would prepare a manual with guidelines to help bishops prevent child-abuse cases.

A manual! Now, why didn't the pope himself think of that! The problem of rampant priestly paedophilia is now solved!

Next?

The Three Letter Word

I imagine we’re all pretty much immune to further shocks in the continuing saga of the Catholic Church and the systemic abuses which have been ongoing for centuries I would imagine with only the victims of the last fifty years coming forward to shout the truth.

We’ve all been reading the staggering but unsurprising revelation of the child abuse scandals in Germany one literally touching the pope with his brother, Georg Ratzinger, the choirmaster of a group of boys who have now alleged abuse.

Paedophilia charges against church officials continue to surface across Germany, and allegations have included the Regensburger Domspatzen boys choir, which was led for three decades by Rev. Georg Ratzinger, the Pope's brother.

Read more here

But a tiny word caught my eye in the latest church saga in Ireland. Cardinal Sean Brady is now implicated in the massive cover-up of the abuses – you can read about the Irish scandals in a previous post here.

Cardinal Sean Brady was a priest in 1975 when abuse allegations were raised against another priest, Brendan Smyth. At a meeting at that time, Brady asked two victims — boys aged 10 and 14 — to sign letters agreeing they would remain silent. The church did not share the information with police.

Cardinal Brady ASKED two abused children, victims of horrific paedophilia, aged 10 and 14, to sign letters agreeing they would remain silent about their abuse.

ASK, such a tiny word, such unconscionable implications.

Think about it, look at the definitions below.

(1)to make inquiry; inquire: to ask about a person.

(2)to request or petition (usually fol. by for): to ask for leniency; to ask for food

And ASK yourself if they were his equals. ASK yourself if they had a choice.

£20,000,000

Yes, that's the amount the beyond-broke British taxpayer will be paying for a visit from Himself-The-Holy so that he can utter these immortal words created especially for those who live within the 'natural law'.

"In a speech in which he confirmed that he will be coming to Britain on a four-day visit in September, the Pope said: “Your country is well known for its firm commitment to equality of opportunity for all members of society. Yet as you have rightly pointed out, the effect of some of the legislation designed to achieve this goal has been to impose unjust limitations on the freedom of religious communities to act in accordance with their beliefs. In some respects it actually violates the natural law upon which the equality of all human beings is grounded and by which it is guaranteed.”

Excluding gays and women of course in that equality nonsense, not being part of what's natural and stuff. I hadn't realized that paedophiles are part of the Natural Law Club.

Let's hear it once again for hate, prejudice and exclusion, shall we?

Some days I get suspended between LOLing and SOBing.

Cartoon of the Week

I posted about Raymond Lahey, Bishop and paedophile, here. It turns out that his associates (read priests and his superior - the archbishop) knew of his proclivities way back in 1989 right here in Newfoundland when he was a mere priest, and chose to do nothing about it. Along with a collection of child pornography in his home in Mount Pearl at that time, he entertained the boys of Mount Cashel. Yes, those boys. He was promoted to bishop soon after and skipped around to various parishes. As is the wont of the Catholic Church when it rewards its perverts.

As to Roman Polanski, much has been written. I am truly devastated at some of his supporters who have signed the petition urging his release and complete exoneration for child rape and as a fugitive from justice. These supporters I had long admired, but no longer.

Shame on you child rape apologists:

Whoopie Goldberg: (and aren't you glad it wasn't your grandchild this paedophile raped?)
Pedro Aldomar: No longer will I enjoy your movies.
Woody Allen: Q'uel suprise!
Martin Scorsese: And you the father of daughters!
Tilda Swinton: Tilda Swinton!
David Lynch: Wake up, man!

Etc.

It is completely disheartening. Lahey, at least, has now been isolated and ordered to have no contact with children or anyone under 18.

The Polanski paedophile, on the other hand, had access to his own vulnerable children for the past 30 years and many others, no doubt.

UPDATE

My friend Laurie at Three Dog Blog provided me with this link to Calvin Trillin at The Nation
and this marvellous poem:

A youthful error? Yes, perhaps.
But he's been punished for this lapse--
For decades exiled from LA
He knows, as he wakes up each day,
He'll miss the movers and the shakers.
He'll never get to see the Lakers.
For just one old and small mischance,
He has to live in Paris, France.
He's suffered slurs and other stuff.
Has he not suffered quite enough?
How can these people get so riled?
He only raped a single child.

Why make him into some Darth Vader
For sodomizing one eighth grader?
This man is brilliant, that's for sure--
Authentically, a film auteur.
He gets awards that are his due.
He knows important people, too--
Important people just like us.
And we know how to make a fuss.
Celebrities would just be fools
To play by little people's rules.
So Roman's banner we unfurl.
He only raped one little girl.

Suffer the Little Children, Again and Again and Again.

Bishop Raymond Lahey resigned from his post as Catholic Bishop of Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly. Just prior to his resignation it turns out his laptop had been examined by Canadian Customs officers as Bishop Lahey was going through Ottawa airport on his return from an ‘unspecified’ foreign country. Lahey was arrested because of graphic child pornography images found on his laptop. Apparently he was in the business of buying, selling and trading in such images for a long time.

I’m not surprised. I’m sure you’re not either.

However, the headlines of the Canadian papers reflect a totally different sensibility.

“Nova Scotia Diocese shocked by bishop’s pornography charges.”

– please note the absence of “child” in this headline. This is from The Telegram, our Newfoundland newspaper. Pristine you might call it. Emphasis mine.

Of course every source I’ve read doesn’t disclose the fact that old Ray denied (way back in 1999) that he was unaware of the horrific abuse perpetrated by a priest who reported to him:

The last Bishop in charge of Father Kevin Bennett , Raymond Lahey, says he had no idea Bennett was abusing young boys.
In fact, he says, the Roman Catholic church on the West Coast kept no records of complaints against him.
Bennett sexually assaulted more than 30 young boys, and they are now suing him and the church.

And said Ray also “forgot” to keep written records of the abuse reported to him. He was subsequently involved in overseeing the settlement of the millions of dollars to these victims. Setting a few dollars aside, no doubt, as start up costs for his new entrepreneurial venture. (OK, I surmise only, but seriously: where did he get the money? From his parishioners? From the Vatican?)

His acolyte, Father Paul Abbass of Antigonish says, on hearing of the arrest of his boss, with shock and awe of course:

“I’m sad, I’m shocked, I think I’m mostly concerned about our people, our priests and our diocese.”

You will note in above statement that there isn't one smidgin of remorse expressed for the abused little children that Bishop Lahey profited on.

The Theft of Innocence

I’ve never seen this written about on a personal blog. I mean I’ve talked about it with friends, in recovery groups, in therapy and in discussions, but never have thrown it out there in an article or blog.

So here goes (and warning: there are possible triggers here for anyone who was sexually abused).

I was about 6 years old when my innocence was taken. There was this old fellow in a hut, a watchman, halfway down our newly built street, some of the houses weren’t yet finished and he’d watch the job sites after the workers left. He’d light a big fire in a brazier in front of the small wooden hut and he’d put me on his lap and touch my knickers and pay me a shilling not to tell anyone. I never did.

I was around nine when my innocence was taken again. Not in a brutal way. I wasn’t physically hurt. I was out walking with my little brother in his stroller, push-chairs we called them then, feeling very grown up as my mother had allowed me out beyond our gate and down the road with the baby for the first time, and this fellow, looking back he was under forty, jumped out at me from a hedge and exposed himself and asked me to touch him. He asked repeatedly working up to a threat that he would hurt me if I didn’t oblige him. I was rooted to the spot for what seemed like five minutes, but it was probably only a few seconds. I raced home and told my mother who told me to hush up and not to talk dirty.

I was thirteen when I was out fishing with a good friend of my father’s. I used to love fishing for pollock and really liked Patrick, my father’s farmer friend. We used to help him with threshing and churning the butter and working the separator and salting the fish.

I was shocked and very upset when he put a hand on my breast and squeezed it so hard it hurt. He told me if I didn’t stop crying he would do something worse. I was still shaking badly when I told my father later that evening. My father told me I was a liar, Patrick was a good man and me and my stories were not to be believed and I should tell the priest in confession what a rotten girl I was.

I was nineteen when the young local doctor of the small Italian town I was staying in took me out for dinner in San Marino and tried to rape me, my screaming and begging finally stopped his attempts and he didn’t speak to me again on the long ride home in his car. By that time I’d learned to keep my mouth shut and not tell anyone of sexual assault, of any kind.

It was all in my head, you see. I couldn’t be trusted. And I’m only writing a few of the bare bones here, there were more incidents but you catch my drift.

One time, I took an informal survey amongst the women I knew. And every single last one of them had been sexually interfered with before the age of consent. Some far, far worse than others. And there are degrees, I suppose. Some were abused by their fathers, or uncles or brothers or cousins. And their mothers told them to shut up. Some got pregnant. Some became infertile. All were traumatized.

One never gets over this. It affected my self-esteem, my relationships, my sexuality. It ruined my trust for a long, long time.

I still view the patriarchy and its acolyte, religion, with disrespect, distrust and disdain. It does not protect innocence. It does not cherish children. And it particularly despises females.

And I’m putting all this out there. Because I know I’m not alone.

Legalizing Rape and Sexual Exploitation

{CBC photo of Winston Blackmore}

Rape and sexual exploitation.

Well that's what I'd call it.


This creepy pervert is attempting to get the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms to enshrine sexual predation.

Because he's been charged with polygamy.

He's had over 20 wives. Some as young as 14.

He's fathered over 80 children. Some say 100.

Don't tell me this isn't about his unlimited access to teenage girls.

Slave master comes to mind.

It's all about old men raping underage girls. And forced breeding.

And calling paedophilia religion.