Thursday, February 10, 2011


Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

My favourites are 9 and 15.

Thanks, Claire!


  1. 11 and 13. I'm going to use 15 on the next census, assuming they still ask for religion.

  2. I'd hate for number 15 to happen to me. That would be awfully frustrating.

  3. They are all a hoot. Of course I can't stop laughing...

  4. Great fun!
    They sound a lot like the "Uxbridge English Dictionary", which is a round played in "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" :-D

  5. Brilliant! I rather like the new meaning of balderdash. How about marinate - to wed someone with a silly name?

  6. I don't need artificial tears. The laughter tears are doing the job very well after reading this!

  7. Thanks for the giggles, WWW!
    #15 is justifiably popular - love it!

    In a way though it's the odd man out in this list. I can't find any "proper" use of the word. All others are in common use, but this one is a special construct (?)

  8. Those are all great and good for a smile on this freezing morning!

  9. They're all brilliant [a very shiny insect?] but 'Negligent' has given me the giggles [funny looking glasses?]!

    Word verification: anteladi... I am now, officially, the anty Lady!


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