Canadian Breaking News

I think I must be living in an alternative universe to the pundits and politicians out there. Am I alone?

Just about every few weeks our eminent ministers up here in the Great White North revise their expectations for an economic recovery. First it was going to be the summer of 2009, then the end of the year, then the end of next year and now it is shoved off down the road to maybe end of 2011.

Every month there is astonishment expressed at the level of unemployment. Way beyond predictions they say, shaking their heads, baffled. And British Columbia – what the hell has happened, they say, puzzled yet again, the unemployment rate is through the roof there, worst in Canada! They just can’t explain it.

And yes, the fisheries are in trouble, and the forests too and good grief, look at the farmers, they can’t afford fertilizers, but hey, over here Canadian Auto Makers, here’s another handout.

And we’ll make a lot of noise about credit cards, just like Mr. Obama did in the USA, but hey, noise is good because just like him we have no intention of legislating the capping of the usurious interest rates these avaricious loan sharks beat you with . Your local payday loan dealer could do better rates than Mastercard’s 30%, go there and stop whining, what's that? oh oops, it slipped our minds, silly us, you don't have a job! And yes we know, those payday loan outfits are all owned by the major banks anyway. Multiple pockets, tee-hee, and one of the pockets is for us, hefty campaign donations being our thang ‘n’ all.

And Mr. Obama admits last week that yeah, alright, OK, the USA is broke now. And today I hear on the radio, that Canada could be in some economic trouble too, yeah maybe serious, for even though our banks are the soundest in the world, brag, brag, it seems like with all this unemployment and ZOMG so many retirees - how dare they mooch off the public purse - and corporate and personal bankruptcies and outsourcing to India and Mexico, and oh yeah all our troops over there in Afghanistan that costs erm, not sure how much but A LOT, there are not enough taxes being collected to cover oh, lots of stuff, like McHighways and oh, tar sands projects in Alberta, and ahem, unemployment insurance.

And when all this is said and done, our lovely and brilliant Governor-General of Canada, Michaëlle Jean, goes and eats the raw heart of a freshly killed seal. (She gutted it first, so that was OK). Because you see, the EU has banned all Canadian seal products and that is affecting our economy even more adversely than anything else. So what's a governor to do?

And there was just too much to link in and I’m too tired to do it, but Google any of this and you’ll see it all verified.

And who said Canada is dull?

Our Governor-General eats raw hearts for us!

Top that, USA and UK!

{Picture courtesy Canadian Press}