Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Canadian Breaking News

I think I must be living in an alternative universe to the pundits and politicians out there. Am I alone?

Just about every few weeks our eminent ministers up here in the Great White North revise their expectations for an economic recovery. First it was going to be the summer of 2009, then the end of the year, then the end of next year and now it is shoved off down the road to maybe end of 2011.

Every month there is astonishment expressed at the level of unemployment. Way beyond predictions they say, shaking their heads, baffled. And British Columbia – what the hell has happened, they say, puzzled yet again, the unemployment rate is through the roof there, worst in Canada! They just can’t explain it.

And yes, the fisheries are in trouble, and the forests too and good grief, look at the farmers, they can’t afford fertilizers, but hey, over here Canadian Auto Makers, here’s another handout.

And we’ll make a lot of noise about credit cards, just like Mr. Obama did in the USA, but hey, noise is good because just like him we have no intention of legislating the capping of the usurious interest rates these avaricious loan sharks beat you with . Your local payday loan dealer could do better rates than Mastercard’s 30%, go there and stop whining, what's that? oh oops, it slipped our minds, silly us, you don't have a job! And yes we know, those payday loan outfits are all owned by the major banks anyway. Multiple pockets, tee-hee, and one of the pockets is for us, hefty campaign donations being our thang ‘n’ all.

And Mr. Obama admits last week that yeah, alright, OK, the USA is broke now. And today I hear on the radio, that Canada could be in some economic trouble too, yeah maybe serious, for even though our banks are the soundest in the world, brag, brag, it seems like with all this unemployment and ZOMG so many retirees - how dare they mooch off the public purse - and corporate and personal bankruptcies and outsourcing to India and Mexico, and oh yeah all our troops over there in Afghanistan that costs erm, not sure how much but A LOT, there are not enough taxes being collected to cover oh, lots of stuff, like McHighways and oh, tar sands projects in Alberta, and ahem, unemployment insurance.

And when all this is said and done, our lovely and brilliant Governor-General of Canada, Michaëlle Jean, goes and eats the raw heart of a freshly killed seal. (She gutted it first, so that was OK). Because you see, the EU has banned all Canadian seal products and that is affecting our economy even more adversely than anything else. So what's a governor to do?

And there was just too much to link in and I’m too tired to do it, but Google any of this and you’ll see it all verified.

And who said Canada is dull?

Our Governor-General eats raw hearts for us!

Top that, USA and UK!

{Picture courtesy Canadian Press}


  1. I loved the EU's response to her raw heart eating was "too bizarre to acknowledge":-)

  2. Phew, that's a truly terrifying picture you paint there. Doomed, doomed, we're all doomed! What can I say?

  3. @Conor:
    Yeah, that showed us alright!
    I'm beginning to sound like the guy who cried wolf you mean? ;^)
    They're all just kidding right?

  4. Add in Irish & Uk Politicians and the Catholic church and we are well and truly doomed!

    I almost hope the guys with the bill boards are correct:-


  5. That's strange. Here in the Netherlands we expect the economy to pick up next year again. Maybe we see the glass half full, but hen again , we don't eat raw seal's heart. Odd habits you have over there.

    Our three southern provinces are hit the hardest, I live in one of them, but I see downtown crowded with people shopping and loaded down with bags of goodies and the café terraces are always full. We're not quite sitting on our money, but are spending it selectively. Maybe we're less greedy, but we still want things.

    I don't sense a general air of despair, although some people feel it. Our government knows how to soothe us into a sense of security and so does the evening news. There will be no breadlines here. Nor soup kitchens. At least, that's what we assume.

    Maybe we are all shortsighted. Or too sober minded and not overly excited enough. It's a Dutch trait, it's how we get by under all sorts of conditions. No sensationalism when the going gets tough.

  6. Yikes!!!

    I wonder if she ate it with "fava beans and a nice glass of chianti"?

    WWW - I can't take it any more - all this on top of Adam Lambert losing American Idol - how can I cope.........Waaaahhhhhh!!!!

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  8. The whole thing looks truly gruesome. I can not believe that little girl in the picture above was watching this horrible animal mutilation....

  9. Chianti, Twilight? Don't ya know raw seal heart is always eaten with a glass of chilled sancerre? ;-)

    Seriously, it's good to know our lords and masters are leading us down the road to the madhouse. At least, this way, they'll be the first to arrive.

  10. @GM:
    My one big question of the day is "who's financing the deficits?"
    Dear Maude, we haven't all broken the back of China have we?
    So OK, see above, Dutch deficit, who's financing?
    I think the Adam matter is really the only one worth discussing. The rest is rubbish.
    And the Inuit people were on radio today, crying in gratitude and offering thanks to the Great Spirit for the first G-G to totally understand their way of life. All is never as it appears, n'est pas?
    I disagree. They'll be all hidden away in their underground bunkers where we can't find them to stone them.

  11. I was a nurse on Baffin Island. And I ate seal liver. It was very edible in a place where the only fresh food you get is what you hunt or fish. The Inuits do the hunting, of course; the boys with their father, while the girls learn how to prepare the meat, and the skin. And learn how to sew the fur into very much needed warm garments. It's their livehood, and cultural skills. And the poor baby Inuits are suffering now because the European Union has banned seal products (which provide the family's income) to protect the 'poor baby seals'!!! That's all I'm going to say....With tears!

  12. Talking of apocalyptic predictions, there's a prediction that sometime next year the internet will hit gridlock as demand exceeds capacity. Then it'll be goodbye blogging, googling, email, internet etc. We'll be back to the old-fashioned means of communication. It seems everyone's in denial on that one too.

  13. Hi Claudia, welcome!
    I see the devastation of unculled seal populations all around here where I live, they tear a chunk out of the stomach of the codfish thus destroying it, leaving further codstock depletion for the fishers. They are a menace to a sustainable way of life when not culled.

  14. Nick:
    I hadn't seen that but did hear an extensive interview with James Lovelock yesterday (I'm a long time admirer) and he maintains there is no hope, we are way beyond redemption so 6 billion of us will be taking the express out of here within the next 20 years. So who needs internet? We'll all be too busy!
    Start planting those potatoes and getting you some chickens!

  15. ah, if only the Republicans had won office last year - we'd have Sarah Palin matching your gov-gen, seal heart with grizzly liver.

  16. And Sarah Palin's heart would worry a lot more about the horror of human babies killed in partial birth abortions than about the hunting of baby seals. The world has strange priorities...

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