Thursday, May 28, 2009

IT Dilemmas of the Closer Kind

I'm unclear on some modern protocols here and how to handle certain, shall we say, little challenges that come up.

Dilemma 1:

Three of my clients have requested to befriend me on Facebook. Now certain clients I'm friends with. But these three I am not. And I don't want to be an insta-friend because of FB a la Nestle just-add-water for a real live friend.

(a)I can reject them of course and if they are the thick as two planks variety of homo sapiens they can huff off and find another tax accountant.
(b)I can limit their access to my photo albums, personal activities, thus incurring the same kind of high dudgeon response.
(c)I can ignore them.

Dilemma 2:

I'm being stalked on my blog by someone who has managed to break my anonymity. This person can reveal personal details of my life to others of his and my social circles that I would choose not to disclose. He is not a friend but a very distant acquaintance. But we know the same people.
Do I just:

(a)ignore him and pray he blows off.
(b)remove really personal blog posts
(c)say how dare you without my permission.
(d)say when you breach someone's privacy accidentally (right!) could you like let her know and ask permission before ploughing through her entire blog?

Common vexations of the modern era we live in.

I'll be off to Dublin and Paris for the next couple of weeks so attendance here may be sporadic. I will try and post from the road and catch up on your doings if I can.

Stay well my good blog buddies, until we meet again!


  1. Have a wonderful vacation, WWW!

    And, I'd do (b) for #1 and (d) for #2
    and if they don't like it - "tuf titty" as we used to say in yorkshire. :-)

  2. Have a wonderful time in Dublin and Paris.

    I would normally do the following:

    1- (a)
    2- (c)

    Maybe my answers are a bit harsh, but when it comes to FB, I understand your need to limit it to friends you know well. I am the same way.... There are no unknown friends in my list... I reject any one that I do not know or not like... :)

  3. I would do

    1- (a)
    2- (b) or set up an new blog with greater anonymity, or get used to being a more public person on your blog.

  4. I never touch FaceBook or Twitter, or any other of these 'social networking' sites. I think they're bad news.
    Personally, I'd definitely employ a) for that problem.

    As to your stalker, I had a similar problem with someone I thought was a close friend, but who began to use Sparrow Chat as a way to abuse me. I stopped it by barring his comments and emails. Eventually, he gave up and I've heard nothing from him for two years or more.
    It's hard to advise without further information. How you deal with this man has to be based on certain factors: his motives, the sort of person he is, etc. This, only you can decide.
    I do hope you enjoy your trip. Have a wonderful time.

  5. 1 - either a or c - Facebook doesn't actually tell you if your friendship request has been rejected, so they won't actually know that you don't want to know them. The most likely outcome is that they end up thinking that you don't go on Facebook a lot, and then in two week's time, they'll forget that they sent you the requests.

    2 - probably a variation of d - just drop the person an email / see him in real life (I don't know how well you know him) to point out that you are anonymous on your blog for a variety of reasons, and that you would really rather that other people in your social circle did not know various details that you post, so please could he not mention about your blog or anything he knows from it to any of your mutual friends.

    The problem with blogging anonymously (which is why I don't - you can work out who I am just by finding the photos on my blog :-) ) is that there is the belief that you will always *be* anonymous, and you find yourself able to post things that you could never mention to any body "in real life". It is very cathartic, but it is not good when someone who knows you reads it!

    It would be nice to think that people can respect anonymity when it is obvious that that is what you want, but other people don't always see it that way, and might need a gentle reminder!

    Enjoy your holiday - I hope you have a fantastic time!

  6. Have a good holiday. Mentioning Paris my sister and her husband just came back from meeting their daughter there at the Eiffel tower.My niece is due home on Saturday

  7. I have no idea how to deal with either of your dilemmas, my dear. If you find out, do let me know. In the meantime, have a fantasmagoric time in Dublin and Paris - and don't forget to stock up on Barries Tea to bring back with you! xo

    (Word veri = nolicka - and I didn't, promise!)

  8. For dilemma 1, I would say d, and email them to explain that I hope they understand that I don't mix my business and personal life as I find the resulting boundaries very taxing (geddit? geddit?) to manage.

    With the second I would (and have had to) remove previous personal blog posts and hope they will lose interest.

    Enjoy your hols honeybear. xxx

  9. dublin and paris!! i can't wait to hear about your travels.

    with dilemma 1, i face that all the time---because of my job, entire strangers want to friend me. i usually go ahead and say yes because there's nothing on facebook that's deeply personal and if they want to see pictures of my vacation and read my boring status updates ("i'm about to give the dog his inuslin!"),well, so be it.

    i don't consider facebook friends as "friends"; i think the term should be "contacts" or "connections."

    re no. 2--do you know this person well enough to send an email and respecfully request your privacy be maintained? or maybe you don't trust him enough... in which case i'd probably remove the very personal postings, though there's no saying he hasn't already read them.

    this is indeed a problem of the web.

    enjoy your journey!

  10. Ignore them all WWW.

    If someone wants to spread rumours and tittle tattle about you, that'll reflect far more badly on the rumour-mongerer than on you.

    Besides which if he can't prove what he may choose to spread, you've got him for slander!

    Have a lovely break. Great cartoon by the way.

  11. I vote “c” and “a.” It’s a shame how bullied one can feel online these days. It seems that every few minutes there’s a flame war or some little bit of rudeness. The Information Superhighway has become the Misinformed Schoolyard.

  12. I assume this is mainly a female experience, as I've never had any problems like this. In any case my life is hardly salacious or juicy enough for anyone to take an obsessive interest in it....

  13. I recently had a skirmish on my blog that left me feeling terrible. I always expect people to behave in a civilized fashion, and when they don't I have no idea how to cope. When you figure it out, please write a post.

    Hope you are having a great time.

  14. 20th century woman: I know exactly what you mean. I got a really abusive e-mail the other day, which caught me off guard. I felt bad for days.... I guess some people hide behind their monitors and feel they can say what ever they want, because the web is anonymous.... if you ask me, I think it's cowardly....

  15. Hope your trips went well and your problems will be less upon your return.

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