Parties. There's one on tonight. A lovely lady who turns 88. Big hall rented. Loads of food, booze and live music. About 50km from here.
Invitations like this have two responses in me. Initially I agree to go, especially when the lady herself phones me and tells me I HAVE to be there. I always agree. Initially.
Second response is today. Reality: going there will destroy my Saturday. I despise participating in such events. Mainly because I'm not very social. Small talk evades me completely. Being around relentless conviviality leaves me exhausted.
My week's quota of rhubarb-rhubarb was used up at a dinner party yesterday and the host, a dear friend, was in bed with the flu and all the out-of-town guests milled around to lay out the food, etc., and I dredged my brain coming up with topics when called upon and responding with interest to those brought up. There was a toddler and lots of baby talk and the teevee on all the time even during dinner. I made it through for about 2 hours but I always leave such events thinking to myself: what the hell is the matter with you? I'm definitely and positively missing some kind of social gene.
See, I'm basically a gregarious loner and the prospect of two nights in a row making nice is frightening to me. Don't get me wrong, a gathering of likeminded spirits really turns my crank and one-on-ones are fantastic, I've had a few throughout this week.
So my strategy now is: an "oops, not feeling well" at the last minute. Which seems to work best though I need to brace myself for onslaughts of tubs of chicken/turkey soups which has happened before for this socially inept liar. Which makes me feel worse, i.e. sickened.
And I deserve to feel that way. Right?
Excuse the presumption, but I did not realize I had a twin. What a phrase "a gregarious loner". Always thought I was solitarily sociable. Nonetheless you are always appreciated as I mull over your delightful musings.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is "Bearly There" if you and I were at such an event and found each other, the event could be tolerated much better!
ReplyDeleteXO
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I am, too, a loner. I like people and yet I am happy to be home. One thing that has worked for me is if you know the crowd find the "chatter-box" of the group and I will stick by her or him and then I don't seem to have to make small talk. I can "go away" while they chatter on. I then leave and at my age I don't care what they think about that. I wasn't anti-social. I showed up. made my appearance and came home. And the chatty Kathy usually feels better someone allowed her to shine. HA
ReplyDeleteJudi - that sounds like a good solution for you. But I have the kind of face that people just want to talk at and talk at and talk at and I find it stressful when there is loud music, happy happies and dancing and then chatting to the celebrant and enormous extended families which all have to have separate intros to me.
ReplyDeleteI would never make a prime minister for sure!!
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It would appear that you did not attend!!! I do hope you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI'm a listener and a watcher!
ReplyDeleteJulie jewel jangler, talks with her arms. Timid Tessie tipplling tepid tea. Boisterous Bessie bellowing belligerently... or Acid Alice an acrimonious answerer..... All great blog material! ;)
I always fall back onGeorge Carlin's routine about being with people.
ReplyDeleteHe said (it's on Youtube): "I like people. I really do. But I like them in short bursts."
The older I get, the shorter the bursts.
I woiuld only add one comment; the older I get, the shorter the bursts.
BT:
ReplyDeleteNo I didn't a kind of people-adverse flu takes over :)
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GM:
ReplyDeleteThat would all be fine and dandy, it's the people right in my face that are the problem, dragging me to dancefloors or interminable intros to people I'll never see again :(
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Marc:
ReplyDeleteYes, you totally get it. :)
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Well..... I'm a bit like you. I hate these social *does*. I'm better with close friends and family one or two at a time. I don't much like going out at night and prefer a cosy night in on my own with a good book or the tv.
ReplyDeleteJust as well we are all different and in the end, we have to be true to ourselves, don't we?
Maggie x
So true Maggie, I people-pleased for so long in my life that this feels like total liberation and authentic.
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Your sister
ReplyDeleteresponding
so much like you.
Tonight going to my granddaughter's top of the line where she is chef
with son and 2 daughters
later then my shedule - could stay home
but son will drive, bring me home and do not get opportunity to be with 3 of my children often..
I will be tired but will sleep with a smile on my face :)
I totally understand. That's why I don't throw parties. I figure most people wouldn't want to come anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a loner, but I am an introvert. I think of myself as s sociable introvert. I like sometime completely alone, but am happiest with time with just one other person. A prty now and again is okay.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like too much social life, if you ask me. I think it's perfectly acceptable to bow out of occasions you don't care to attend, no matter what pressure people put on you. You may be making the mistake of being too entertaining!
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