I analyze dreams. I'm pretty good at it. Yonks ago I took a course.
My dreams lately have been of despair. Of losing my voice. Of all those I hold dear turning their backs and darkening a bright room with heavy curtains. Très évident, you might say. And I would agree.
My subconscious working things out, of course. So I awake and lie there and fill my head with good thoughts. I sort them out and obliterate the lingering smothering of the others. Because I know, deep down, they can kill me. Death by a thousand cuts.
Because everything else? Brings me joy. And my mind is such that it can let all that shunning hatred coming at me stifle what is good and kind and fulfilling in my life.
And I'm a recovered addict too, so the siren calls of substances can be highly seductive. So I sail my own wee boat away from those lying lullabies.
And I keep the photos of the 3 loved ones I lost in the past 3 months nearby. And remember their words of unconditional support.
To remind me to live my life as if each day is my last.
As it well might be.
My favourite blogs are yours and a blog I can't comment on as her settings don't allow me, that of My Journey to Mindfullness written by Ernestine. I've followed you both for years too and its a great treat when you speak to each other as true friends as you did this morning.
ReplyDeleteAh, Enna your words are so beautiful, why on earth doesn't Ernestine's blog allow your thoughtful comments. I hope she reads this....and perhaps fixes the problem.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Its because when I select profile there isn't a Name/URL option. Perhaps I need to be a Blogger which I'm not. I don't want to intrude on her privacy preferences except to say I'm really looking forward to reading about her son's visit! xx
ReplyDeleteAh - maybe there's a setting disallowing "anon" comments?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, me too, her son's visit is always so great, though I worry she might wear herself out!
XO
WWW
Oh my
ReplyDeletewhat a blessing to read of one who enjoys my rambling
Enna, I have an email address on my blog.
Feel free to write me.
Oh yes, so happy with my constant encourager visiting
and yes - I crashed from doing so much and do not like sharing. My daughter's read my sharing and think mom
is fine.
Guess I am fine for this time of life
but cried this morning
that this is not me now
guess it is
the new me.
Why is it the mind says one thing
and the body can no longer follow through ?
cannot follow through
Special thoughts to both of you.
Enna, please try and comment :)
I'm delighted to hear from you Ernestine and will do my best to comment. I will email anyway. Thank you WWW for giving me and OWJ a chance to pull up a chair at your fireside. This is the nicest thing that's happened to me all day! xx
ReplyDeleteOWJ:
ReplyDeleteWe're allowed to cry. I cry too. Over many things, always alone. I do not like Daughter seeing me so upset as she has her own challenges with her health and will worry about me.
And yes, I had a feeling you were over extending yourself. Your son will understand, ask for his help. He sounds like such a wonderful understanding man and so supportive of you in every way.
XO
WWW
Enna - I just love hooking up kindred spirits and have a few notches on my belt for this :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy each other my two "Es"
XO
WWW
Oh my
ReplyDeletejust received an email from Enna.
Thank you for connecting me to another
special soul...
Happy thoughts, cheerful music and good people are how I deal with the dark & painful days. We have so much to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteOWJ ~ I am smiling this fills my heart :)
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Yes, GM, we do and I'm trying desperately not to let anyone steal my happies from me :)
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Don't forget. April is the cruelest month. But May could be nice.
ReplyDelete