Yeah, I deleted a post. Why? It felt really incomplete even though I had stroked it and stroked it as us writers do. It was missing some element that I couldn't quite nail and I took it down to work on it some more. It's a hugely important topic for us emigrants and I need to do it more justice before publishing it. Thanks to those of you who responded to it in depth both on the blog and in private emails. I am never alone in these horrible, painful episodes of my life.
But? I found a cure!
Seriously.
When in pain from unkindness I've found that if I transform this into kindness to others it eases the load. Tremendously.
So that's what I did today. I wrote a few letters, made a few long overdue phone-calls, mailed a few gifts and some of my cards and projected out into the universe peace and healing to those who hurt me. Tons of it. There's really no more room in my life, at my age, for inflicted pain and grief and hurt and sorrow. I fill it up with love. Remind me of this statement when I'm less forgiving please.
And, interesting wee bit, I heard from this older man (yeah, older than me!), a retired policeman from Co. Clare and he starts off by saying:
"I've read every word you've ever written for years and years and years and I want to be your friend."
I just love it when lurkers make themselves visible.
Jack, if you're reading this, bravo my new friend!
Your post is such a blessing to me this morning.
ReplyDeleteFamily time yesterday, much joy, some sorrow and
now this one is exhausted...
I am copying your words.
Thank you.
"Where there is anger, let me plant joy". Easy to say and sometimes hard to practise, OWJ. But always worth trying :)
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Yes, "Where there is anger, let me plant joy"!
ReplyDeleteYou know, when someone is being angsty to us we need to remember it is their problem and not ours. Maybe the culprit was very constipated at the time and used you to help cure his frustration!! ;) ;)
Nice try GM but the "culprit" infected a whole pile of others as you know and absolutely no one wants to hear the truth.
ReplyDeleteBut wevs.
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In the almost 8 years I have been blogging, I too have taken down a few posts that just didn't seem to do much good for the general public.
ReplyDeleteOne post I wrote while under the influence of a horrible medicine, prednisone. The post infuriated a group of people whom I had considered friends and who I would never have thought would be so upset, but, I was wrong. The post came down, but the hurt feelings never went away.
Oh goodness, my psyche is so full of pain, grief, hurt and sorrow, there's not much room left for love. The best I can manage is consideration and common decency to those who may be suffering just as much pain as myself.
ReplyDeleteDKZ: My post takedown was voluntary, the people involved don't read this blog. I just need to refine it.
ReplyDeleteWhich doesn't stop me from commiserating with you and what you had to do.
People react in unanticipated ways. Daughter recently posted on FB what she thought was a fairly innocuous celebration of pre-Christian Easter rites and was thrown under the bus of outrage and proselytizing.
I wouldn't have believed it.
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Nick:
ReplyDeleteI didn't say "love" just kindness from the unkindness and inconsideration afforded me.
But you offer me another glimpse of your interior self and I thank you for that.
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Don't you love it when someone tells you they have been reading for a long time, and you had no idea! It's not only gratifying but oh so encouraging.
ReplyDeleteI recently published my first editorial in the newspaper where I work, and was quite surprised at responses I would never have anticipated, from "we shouldn't fiddle while Rome is burning" (my editorial was not about anything important; just an editor's view of the inevitability of published imperfection) all the way to reading things into it that I was not remotely intending, making me wonder if I know how to write, or not! Re: your daughter's FB post and the unexpected responses; that's the kind of thing that makes me wonder if it ever is worthwhile to stick my head up and say anything in public at all.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised at who reads my blog. That post I told you about deleting after such brouhaha, was read by people who I had no idea read my blog. Recently, I have wondered about who reads what I write. I get far more "views" than I do responses.
ReplyDeleteWatch 'The Secret' dvd. It's entirely about how sending out the right vibes can turn your life around, whereas dwelling on the negative just encourages more of THAT! I have also come to realise that worry and guilt and all such emotions are a waste of my energy - energy I could spend focussing on things I actually want in life or being grateful for what I have (not that anyone could accuse you of ingratitude re so much on your life)
ReplyDeleteBrave re Jack revealing himself. How lovely. Bless you both in your newfound friendship.
I'm always glad when I can be kind.
ReplyDeleteSJG:
ReplyDeleteA big thrill. He read me in other publications too.
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DKZ:
ReplyDeleteYes me too, I don't think any of my family reads this, I would be surprised if they did though many of my dear friends do and often comment privately to me. As do strangers which is gratifying. I am never alone in my grief.
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Laura:
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is difficult to overlay the bad with the good but I am truly working hard on this. I'd read that book years ago but I had trouble with many of its concepts and it begged questions such as : how do brutalized people (Africa, Palestine, et al) apply these principles?
However, my simple rewriting of my life before I get out of bed helps. :)
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Hattie:
ReplyDeleteEspecially secretly!
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SJG:
ReplyDeleteNearly missed your second comment. I think it well worth it to stick the head up and risk. Silence is the worst, especially when something appalling is witnessed.
People love the comfort of being inside their own septic tanks even when it stinks to high heaven :) It's warm.
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I o agree - I always feel better when I do something for someone else. And the research on happiness supports that idea.
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